THE DIARY OF AMRADKHARI

How it all began

Acquaintance

About disciples and Teachers

About friendship

First challenging moment

Second challenging moment

Third challenging moment

On the importance of reading books of the Teaching

Lie

On the issue of trees

There is life around me

On good deeds

On the issue of the joys of paradise

Hell

Life is everywhere

On eternal life

On spiritual nihilism

I am a warrior

Between science and religion

The place I was born…

From dreams to awakening

 “Lost in a sandbox”

“That same Munchausen” movie

From dreams to awakening (part two)

From human to god (published in issue no. 3 of “OUR SPACE” magazine)

Integrity as a pattern of thoughts (published in issue no. 4 of “OUR SPACE” magazine)

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How it all began

It turned out to be not such an easy task for me to start writing this diary. The thing is that the events I would like to describe in this diary took place a few years ago. And looking back it is hard to remember the former version of myself because now I am a different person. It is hard for me to remember my former thought patterns and views because now I think differently and the world became different to me. But it is impossible to turn back time; that`s why the only thing that`s left for me is to remember.

My correspondence with the Teacher started in August 2008. I am still actively corresponding with the Teacher that I will try to reproduce our correspondence in this diary up to some extent. It all started because I had a lot of questions about the meaning of life, the place of humanity in this world, the source of creation and the reasons of existence… I was born in an orthodox country that`s why I was referring myself to Orthodoxy. However, as the majority of people I could be referred to Orthodoxy only conventionally. Now I realize this – but back then I used to consider myself to be truly orthodox. I believed in heart; in other words, I was accepting basic articles of faith, trying to be good and following some rituals, necessary to my point of view, sometimes I was visiting church, sometimes I prayed, sometimes I read something on this subject… In a word, I used to be an unchurched orthodox as the majority of people living in the world, as the saying goes.

And such moment came when I realized that I had too many questions which I couldn`t answer within Orthodoxy. There were too many things in reality that didn`t fit into these boundaries. For instance, questions about the invisible world, the purpose of all things and the descent of men. Among other things I have been always confused by hell. I treat people too well to destine the lowest scoundrel to eternal punishment. Because if you think about it, realize what this means, this is simply unmerciful. And there is no such crime that will be commeasurable to such punishment. I have never been such a person who could be told: “Just believe”, while turning a blind eye to paradoxes and blind spots. To be exact, I used to be such a person up to a certain point until too many questions and paradoxes collected in my mind. And I would hardly be satisfied with the answers regarding hell like: “Don`t haste with judgment of Christ” because this is not an answer but avoiding it. I have never been a supporter of inventing different representations of scriptures – in the way when everything is set on its ear and made to look so everyone would like it. Hell topic is unpopular and many people are trying to keep silent about it in Christian teaching. I didn’t want to escape from it. I have never wanted to escape from reality but I always wanted to know. And if reality is what it looks like, then how can it be a part of some good plan? There is no clergyman who could answer this question because evil cannot be made a part of universal virtue because it creates paradox.

But I will no longer be writing about it here. I have started to write my diary not with a purpose of criticizing Christianity at all. One who has been thinking over these issues which I was thinking over, can see all the paradoxes that I am talking about; and the one who is ready to unconditionally believe in all articles of orthodox faith, won`t be convinced with my words as well as any reasonable words and arguments.

In fact, I am writing this diary simply for the sake of telling you about my way and its challenges but I don`t have a goal of proving or disproving anything. Any serious way brings its challenges, changes man`s mind and his place in this world. Choosing your way is very important because only when it comes to an end, one becomes that kind of person the way he has chosen will make of him.

Thus, I initiated my quest in search for answers. It was obvious to me where I should be looking for them but I didn`t know the direction of my quest. Because I was searching for Truth – and people were searching for it at all times. More than that, I wanted to find a Teacher because it was out of question to be so self-assured to be sure to find truth on my own. Only a person with outsized ego can be so self-assured because even greatest Teachers used to learn from someone. Here I want to quote a saying from the book of Teaching: “A child needs someone who would guide him. But a grown-up also needs a guide because a child is a child hereto that should be ignorant but a grown-up should be knowledgeable. A child won`t commit greater evil because of his ignorance but a grown-up is able to ruin empires. If a grown-up is saying: “Don`t teach me: I can tell right from wrong myself”, it is a drop of madness then. But if he is saying: “Teach me something good”, it is a drop of Wisdom then” (“The Precious Belt” LXXVII).

First I tried to read some books of different concepts but every book I was reading represented one or another theory and again couldn`t give answers to my questions. Every theory gives answers to certain questions in its own way and there has been no one that could define a complete picture of the world. And therefore, this was giving birth to more and more questions.

I needed a Teacher; but where should I search for him? Should I search for Eastern wisdom? Maybe, I should go somewhere? My head was inhabited with thoughts about people making trips to Tibet but in reality it was impossible for me to go there. I wanted the impossible: I wanted to find a Teacher without leaving my house. But how can I do it? And will a real Teacher let me be his disciple? What makes me such a remarkable person that would make a Teacher get around to talking to me?

The Internet remained my window to the world. An absurd hope of finding a real Teacher in the Internet… In the Internet that is swarmed with pseudo-teachers and those who wish to get rich by means of such a popular nowadays topic of occultism and esoterics. In the Internet that is flooded with different kinds and different sources of information… How not to deceive myself? How can a man who is not very sophisticated in such matters avoid falling into hands of an amateur? It is unthinkable… This is a reckless attempt with no hope for success… But I decided to try.

I signed up at one of the biggest forums related to philosophy where one could find a big amount of different schools of thought and systems of philosophy and started a topic where I was saying that I was searching for a Teacher. As I didn`t know, what kind of Teacher I was looking for and my knowledge of occultism and other similar things was superficial, my ad combined the uncombinable and was written with a type of message like: “looking for something I myself don`t know…” Frankly speaking, it didn’t seem to me to be so that time because that incomplete and paradoxical world view that I had in my head and which was a collection of different pieces from here and there, seemed to be quite well-knit to me. I was like many other people who consider that they have an understanding of a subject after having picked up scraps of knowledge.

I got quite different kinds of response to my topic – from jokes to invitations to different ecclesiastical schools. There was nothing from what had been offered to me that would impress me or would even look like something I was searching for. Time passed and I got a letter from one person.

That man wrote to me that he could teach me those things that I wrote about in my post including meditations and other similar practices, however, he wanted to get an idea about my concepts of creation in case I don`t mind devoting my time to him. That man seemed to be quite smart and educated judging by his style of writing and he was writing in an excellent way, that`s why, I couldn`t give a negative answer to such kind of request and gladly described my paradoxical concept of the world that was partially represented by Christian views and partially by what I had read in different books. My world view couldn’t be different because I still considered myself to be an Orthodox; but I tried to explain those issues that Orthodox Church kept quiet about by referring to other worldview systems.

Apparently my letter left that kind of impression on my interlocutor what it should have left on him and he probably thought that I am another representative of modern time, in other words, a person whose head is already full of ideas and who wouldn`t listen to any reasonable arguments because he considers himself to be too smart to listen to anybody.

It was not worthwhile for my interlocutor to disprove of all that I was talking about, leaving me in a complete logical quandary and pointing to my absolute incompetence. That was insulting. Such things are always insulting for a person who has always had a high opinion of himself. But actually it is all right to make mistakes if you are ready to admit your mistakes. And this is not the ability of a man to make mistakes that makes him silly but his unwillingness to get rid of his silliness. But it is not that easy to do that in real life because false beliefs grow not only through one`s mind but through one`s soul as well and a man grows together with them as with something close and dear to him. And because of that pointing to falseness of one`s beliefs gives trouble not only to one`s mind that starts awakening from them but also to one`s soul that starts feeling uncomfortable. It is the same when a man is pulled out of his life environment; and even if that environment was not worth living in it, he adapted to it and got used to living in it and perceives better life environment as something hostile. It is natural for human to perceive everything new as something hostile – even if this new is what is best for him.

So, when my interlocutor showed me the incompetence of my views, I had two options. First option was to duck and cover, answering to all of his arguments with something like: “Well, I don`t know…” and stick to my own habitual, though absurd, beliefs. The second option was to admit my mistakes. And I chose the second one.

This is what our conversation would probably end up with as it is not enough just to point to the incompetence of you interlocutor - you should also offer him some true views instead of false ones. Seeing how persuasively my interlocutor is disproving of opinions of others, I assumed that in that case he could present his opinion that he considers to be true. I started asking him questions and then he said to me that he is a Teacher. He was not the type of a teacher that I had described in my post. However after he had started telling me about his teaching I realized that he was that very kind of teacher that I wanted to find for myself.

However when I realized that I found a real Teacher, it seemed to me that the Teacher wouldn`t want to deal with me after my incompetent statements. Later it became clear to me that he, as a true Teacher, cared for every man and came here exactly for the sake of telling people about truth. Should he push off the one who wants to know truth?..

It was in that instant when the Teacher asked me if I wanted to continue corresponding with him. That wasn`t caused by his unwillingness to talk to me. On the contrary – he didn`t want to force me into further correspondence with him in case of my unwillingness to do that.

But I wanted to write to him. In the end, was it smart to get offended with truth? It was much smarter to admit my mistakes and continue the conversation. But how could we continue it? The most logical way was to continue it with our acquaintance and the story about myself.


Acquaintance

The Teacher told me that he received a revelation from the God of Wisdom – Hermes, and he is a prophet that should bring people the true teaching. He provided me with links to some texts and the web-site of his school of thought. How was that information perceived by me? It was perceived with deep distrust. And this is true that such words as “prophet” and “God of Wisdom” sound simply folkloric for a modern man who`s got used to thinking that truth should come from someone who died – and preferably – a few thousand years ago.

When people hear the name of Hermes for the first time, various associations come to their minds. And it is not surprising. Originally Hermes used to be a God who was carrying knowledge and wisdom in Greece. This elemental is known by many nations from ancient times – and he is featured as a wise god or so-called “cultural hero” giving people different kinds of knowledge and skills like the use of fire, domesticating plants, writing, geometry, etc., nearly in every kind of mythology. He is known under different names: Thoth (in Egypt), Odin (in Scandinavia), Quetzalcoatl (of Aztecs), Oannes (in Babylonia), etc. In other words, he is famous in his true way – as a god that stores knowledge and teaches people in a great number of cultures and religions.

I would like to make a short digression here and tell you something about the God of Wisdom as a part of the Teaching. Here is what my Teacher is saying about him in his article “What does the Teaching of the United Church means”: “Mankind is not the only intelligent breed that is experiencing such kind of issues. There are races with more issues in the universe. But all of them are necessary elements of evolutionary process, Nature has been working hard to create them, they are parts of it and issues of their development become its issues and death of any of them becomes grievous and huge loss for evolution. That`s why, Nature provides helping mechanisms for races that have issues – means of assisting them in their learning the world and their moral evolution. If the above-mentioned issues appear to be so critical for any of the intelligent races that it is eventually threatened to degenerate or directly die because of those issues then it is assisted with some kind of informational help: knowledge is passed on to it that should serve as an impulse for overcoming a challenging stage in its intellectual and moral development. This knowledge is passed in the form that can be defined as a revelation: the God of Wisdom addresses to one of the representatives of that race and passes on some amount of information through him – the amount of that information can be different in different cases – it can be bigger or can be smaller. It is necessary to make a point here that term “god” in the Teaching of the United Church doesn`t imply anything mystical and doesn`t mean anything supernatural: “gods” mentioned in the teaching are energy creatures that are neither more nor less than an intelligent part of laws of Nature. Gods are its particles, alive and intelligent, and provide normal flow of natural processes and implementation of principles due to which Nature exists as a living system. Each god has its own specialty, its scope of activity. The God of Wisdom is a knowledge keeper; he has got information about everything that was, is or will be existing in the Universe. And being a universe-scale creature, he comes to rescue of this or that intelligent race that needs the “informational impulse” for its development when it is necessary.

As for the title of the Teaching, this is what is said about it in the same article: “The Teaching of the United Church could have different names during previous stages of its existence – though it didn`t change its essence: the teaching remained the same. It got its current name from the God of Wisdom. He himself is called Amere within the Teaching. Though he has a lot of different names that he was known by different nations in different times; Hermes is probably the most famous one. That`s why, the Teaching of the United Church is also called the true teaching of Hermes. The word “church” in “the Teaching of the United Church” means Creation, Nature, general set of all existing things in their inseparable unity. It is not necessary to worship something in this church: it is necessary to work for the benefit of the existence.”

After Teacher had told me about the God of Wisdom, I wanted to know more about his views and we continued our conversation.

However as I`ve already mentioned above, it is often simpler for a man to live with what is wrong but habitual, whether than with something that is true but new to him; it used to be the same for me. The amount of information was too big for me in psychological sense and it even made me uncomfortable and it was hard for me to continue our conversation about the Teaching. Then I suggested the Teacher that we should save our conversation about the Teaching and talk about other topics. The Teacher said that it didn`t matter what we would be talking about, searching for the primal cause of this or that phenomenon, we would be still coming back to the Teaching as the Teaching was life itself. That time I didn`t understand what he was talking about and was insistent, suggested the Teacher to tell me about his life. The Teacher replied to me that his life was directly connected with the teaching as the Teaching was his life. We continued our conversation.

We were talking about different topics, discussing a lot of different things – but every time we were coming back to the Teaching, willing that or not. It was happening absolutely naturally and it doesn`t surprise me at all now; as saying that the Teaching is the life itself, the Teacher meant that it reflects the reality itself. Here is how it is described in one of the texts of the Teaching: “Then he asked Elan: “What are you teaching?” He replied: “I am teaching truth”. The ruler asked him: “What is truth?” Elan answered: “Day and night follow each other: this is truth; it is raining: this is truth; a pomegranate tree will grow from a pomegranate seed: this is truth”. The ruler said mockingly: “Your science is so ignoble”. Elan answered: “There is no science that is nobler that this one. Rule day follow another day instead of night; rule raining start or stop; rule a cypress grow from a pomegranate seed but not a pomegranate tree. I am teaching people something that is stronger that power of all the lords of all lands put together; if you know this, you`ll become as strong as it can make you. How can you say that this science is ignoble?” (Fathers II, 27-35).

The Teaching centers around the way the Creation is set up, what it exists for and how all things are connected with each other. Is it possible to talk about life without talking about reality then? It is possible but only to some extent if conversations are superficial and related to someone`s opinion or subjective view on something. For instance, it is possible to discuss favorite movies or music. But if we talk on serious topics then we have to come back to life and reality again. But I still didn`t understand that at that time. I was still living with my former world view though its absurdity had already been proved to me.

Then I told the Teacher: “Teach me wisdom but I will stick to my former views so far”. The Teacher repeated a well-known truth to me: “It is impossible to pour something into a full vessel”. And I didn`t understand what he meant again. Truth for me was something universal and I couldn`t understand why he couldn`t teach me wisdom in something, putting the rest aside.

Only now I realize that truth is actually universal though as the world itself and our reality for us, our knowledge about it is different. I can give you one simple example. Let`s say that my beliefs are telling me that the Earth is flat and the Sun is not circling it. My Teacher knows that the Earth is round and everything is set up in a different way. And here I am asking him to explain to me what the horizon is and why the Sun is rising on the East earlier than on the West. My teacher won`t be able to explain this to me without explaining the very basics and without telling me that the Earth is round. This principle is true for every matter. It is impossible to explain any specific matter without explaining the way the Universe is set up and what its basics are. The entire determines the individual and explains it and the individual helps to see the entire. And if a disciple refuses to perceive fundamentals for whatever reason then all subsequent explanations will be useless for him.

The Teacher had never intruded his views upon me – on the contrary, he insisted that I had to familiarize myself with information well enough, get a good understanding of it before making any conclusions. He considered careful study of information to be very important especially that which is related to spiritual matters or issues of choosing the Way. We came to an agreement that the Teacher would be answering my questions, explain, tell me what I am interested to hear and I would make my own conclusions. I was not ready to give up on my views though they had been disproved but I had a big desire to know what I didn`t know at that moment. I was also ready to start admitting my mistakes though gradually and struggle my way to do that but start doing that which was very important. It is necessary to do that if you want to learn something because if you don`t want to hear any arguments, it will be impossible to teach you anything then.

Our conversations resembled seminars with an element of dispute; our disputes always ended up in favor of my Teacher. A different outcome would be strange; as a dispute is won by one who knows more information. These disputes could even be called discussions. Sometimes words of the Teacher seemed to be sharp which is not a surprise as truth is very often like nails on a chalkboard. Initially I was familiarizing myself with the Teaching more from words of the Teacher, though I had to read some additional sources of information on some matters.

 

About disciples and Teachers

I think that it is worth talking about piety in relationship between Teachers and their disciples. The thing is that though I am using the word “teacher” in my diary, it took some time before the Master (I hope that this word would be appropriate here) became such person to me. Moreover: it took two years and a half. He was an interesting interlocutor and acquaintance for me at the stage of our acquaintance and nothing more. He used to be a man possessing information that was interesting to me but not a Teacher. Discipleship became quite complicated topic for me because initially disciple-teacher relationship hadn`t been set up. We were communicating on equal grounds with each other though Master`s authority in matters relating to the Teaching wasn`t disputed by anyone (it would be absurd if someone did). You can imagine this situation on using any other example – as we all learned something from someone at some point. We meet our teachers through the whole life – at school, at the University, at work. But at the same time we talk with on equal grounds with our teachers, especially after leaving school. Teacher has his status only in class but when lessons are over we and our Teachers are on the same grounds. And if teacher`s authority is undisputable in class, opinions can be different out of it.

Another thing is that while talking about the teaching we are talking about such a broad field that is incomparable with the scope of knowledge of one or a few subjects as it is includes information not only about the way the Universe is organized and principles of its functioning but about morals, purpose of human life and other global issues. Teacher`s authority expands much further in this way. However, you need some time to start appreciating it. This is why it took me nearly three years to see how the Master would turn into the Teacher in my eyes. This aim hasn`t been specially organized by anyone; you simply start realizing certain things as time passes.

One of the biggest troubles of modern man is that seeking equality of men they are turning it into backslapping which is a breeding ground for pride. So, respect for an elderly one or a Teacher may seem to be humiliating for someone in the light of his pride. In this way a person makes himself to be the standard of truth, doesn’t acknowledge the authority of other people and unwillingly starts putting himself above others thinking that he is promoting equality of men and personal freedom. No, I won`t bring this complicated topic up and elaborate upon it here and now. I just say that this phenomenon is very common everywhere.

And though I don`t affiliate myself with such kind of people, it was still a little bit difficult for me to acknowledge the authority of my Teacher. Certainly, I have always thought something of myself because I was born in a good, cultured family where everyone loved me and did everything for me. Everything in my life has been coming easy to me because I was always fairly gifted. I studied well, got three higher education degrees including master degree that I got in Great Britain which I have always been proud of – I visited different countries, had a good job. In a word, everything in my life shaped well and I had a corresponding self-opinion. But I have been fortunate enough never to be pushed forward by my self-conceit to put myself above others; I have never humiliated or looked down my nose at anyone in my life; but it turned to be not so easy to acknowledge the authority of the Teacher in my heart. I don`t know whether it can be fully chalked up to my self-conceit or it simply took me more time to realize some things.

Anyways, the main outcome of it all became my right attitude towards the Teacher. So, no matter what stages I had gone through to reach this, they brought their benefits.

 

About friendship

I consider friendship to be an especially important issue in the topic of relationship between disciples and teachers. Teacher surely becomes a friend for his disciple; it cannot be otherwise. Trusting and cordial relationship are formed between a Teacher and a disciple. If this doesn`t happen, then it means that something is going wrong. I am certainly speaking about the situation when a Teacher has a possibility to devote much time to his disciple – as if there is one Teacher but there are many disciples, the Teacher won`t simply have a chance to become close friends with everyone. In our case friendship set in first – a very close one – and only after that the teacher became the Teacher for me. Our relationship is primarily based on our friendship because the Master is my best friend. And only afterwards our relationship of a disciple and a teacher were formed. Friendship has surely left its substantial mark on this relationship.

The friendship between me and the Master also set in not at once but step by step as true friendship should. We gradually turned from interlocutors into acquaintances, from acquaintances into buddies and from buddies into close friends. These stages can be called in a different way but the outcome is only one – the Master is my close friend and I am his friend. Certainly we can argue about the possibility of friendship between man and woman for a long time; but we will always be a proof of the fact that this is possible in one of the best possible forms. If truth be told, another opinion for me is simple a sign of moral immaturity of a person and animal instincts` domination under him. I won`t elaborate upon this topic further on; I`ve simply wanted to express my opinion. Here I want to say that I am very grateful to this friendship and happy about it as there is nothing better when your friend is more than a brother to you, when you rejoice for him more than for yourself, when you value your friendship as something precious.

Certainly our friendship makes our relationship full and allows us reaching more understanding in matters of discipleship.

 

First challenging moment

Change of views is a complicated issue predominately in psychological sense. It is very difficult to admit that you have been mistaken; and the longer you`ve been mistaken, the more difficult it is to admit it. And it is not a matter of pride in this case – though you cannot avoid it – but it is a matter of views of a man being the foundation for the perception of the world and man`s behavior. Misconception about the world leads to the wrong justification of actions, in other words, a man can do bad deeds not knowing that he is behaving badly. It is hard to do the right thing, having wrong knowledge about reality. I think, it is necessary to note that terms “good” and “bad” are based on the concepts of what is natural for a human and what is not. “There are things that make a man look like an animal and there are other things that make him different from an animal. The ability to differentiate things that are good to be like an animal and things that are not is a sign of true Wisdom” (“The Precious Belt” LXVII).

The Teaching exists not only with the aim of describing the real state of things in the Universe and tell about a place of a human in the Creation but also to tell people what is natural for them and what is not, what actions are bad for a human and the Creation and what are good. The Teaching is a way to the Wisdom.

You can imagine this using human body as an example. Let`s assume that every cell of human body was self-conscious and could decide how to act by itself. At the same time cells of human body didn`t know exactly what they had to do to provide the right functioning of human body and even didn`t know that they were its part. It`s obvious that it would be very important to inform every cell about the way a human body was organized, what place in a human body every cell occupied and the way every cell should behave to let a human body live and grow in the appropriate way and, thus, every cell together with it. And how important it would be for cells to understand that they all were linked together, that each cell was responsible for the functioning of the whole body and only mutual efforts of all cells could provide its right functioning as well as to tell cells that if some of them refused to work in the appropriate way, this might lead to the death of the whole body, thus, to the death of all cells. In case when all cells didn`t know how to behave and would behave themselves in the way they wanted, it wouldn`t be difficult to imagine how damaged the body would be… Probably it wouldn`t be able to exist at all.

It is easier to understand the picture of human life using this simplified example. People are responsible for the prosperity of the whole Universe in the same way and, thus, for their own. The Teaching exists with the aim of telling mankind about the way the Universe is organized, their place in it, so that they would be able to choose the appropriate Way of their development, good for themselves and the Universe.

By using such example I wanted to explain why it is difficult to act in the right way not knowing how the world is organized and for the sake of what a person lives. When you start realizing that you`ve had erroneous views and, thus, was doing bad deeds, then you begin to feel very uncomfortable. It is the first challenging moment that you have to come across. However, you need to try to look at it from another angle. Even if your past deeds have been erroneous, new understanding of things will let you take a new look at some moments and act in the right way further on. I think, it is necessary to concentrate exactly on this.

 

Second challenging moment

The second challenging moment is that a new perception of the world makes it different in the eye of a man – and it doesn`t mean that it will be comfortable for him to live in this new world right from the start. Any change of world perception makes a man temporarily vulnerable. When you abandon your former views, then you have a feeling that the ground is dropping out from under you for a moment. It is related with one` attachment to some moments or rituals. For example, loss of a feeling that there is always a kind God whom you can talk with and snivel can be taken very hard. It makes you feel very comfortable from a psychological point of view when you know that there is someone who hears you, loves you and cares for you even when you experience complicated emotions in your life. You can relax and fully rely on “the will of a higher being”. The fact that the world is organized in an absolutely different way and that full responsibility lies with the man himself can be compared with the loss of engaged parents. All that you have been holding on to, that dark corner where you could cry quietly for a while and get a relief, disappears forever but instead a new world reveals itself in front of you where you can rely on yourself only. Fear is the first feeling that you have when it happens. And this is quite natural. Psychologically you feel like you are trapped in a quicksand before you`ve got some new support that you can hold on to and feel in balance. Your old views are turning you back under the ground where you can`t breathe anymore but yet you don`t have any new views that you can hold on to. So you are helplessly struggling on border between new and old for a while. It takes time to break through “the quicksand”. Old ties that connect you with your past will weaken and you will break free. The amount of time it will take depends on how hard you are attached to your former views. Strangely enough but it can be harder to give up some habitual rituals other than abandon some older views. If you`ve got used to wearing a cross, then it will be very hard to take it off. And even when you don`t belong to this given world view, you still feel more comfortable with the old symbol. It is also hard to realize that it is no longer necessary to pray or go to church after you begin to understand another state of things in the Creation. I have to use examples from Christianity because this is my past; but I am doing this rather stroppy as I can imagine how my words sound for a Christian if he reads these lines. However I am not writing this diary with the aim of discrediting Christianity or arguing with its foundations. I am simply describing my Way and those difficulties that I had. So, I really hope that I won`t offend beliefs of other people with my words.

 

Third challenging moment

Third challenging moment is related to the fact that a new world view that is not shared by your circle makes you an enemy within. The difficulty of your new state will depend on how critical the issue of faith is in your circle and how tolerant to other views your family members are. I can say that I`ve come off cheap in this respect. My family members are not passionate believers and do not dwell upon the issues of faith as meticulously as I do. And nevertheless, there have been challenging moments and there are still some.

Such moment first occurred at the very beginning when I just started getting interested in the Teaching. Considering the fact that a modern man living in our country is partially brought up by television that tells people about such things as religious sects with a certain frequency, any mentioning about any kind of teaching apart from well-known ones and, thus, “tested” and “safe” makes people very alert. As soon as you start getting interested in a teaching that is new for people that surround you, they start fearing that you are brainwashed and got under the influence of a destructive religious sect. And for some reason nobody is wondering how adequate the information on religious sects really is. Different religious teachings have existed long since; but they were given a sinister décor not only on church, but on secular and even on state level not long time ago. Generally the term “sect” (secta – school, teaching in Latin, derived from Latin word “sequor” – follow) is used to denote a religious group that separated from the main religious trend, in other words, it doesn`t mean anything bad. However in our time this word is perceived as a synonym for a definitely fraudulent organization that is brainwashing and robbing people. Certainly there are such organizations. But it is absolutely unwise to use such labels for other teachings. It is much of a situation when a man has been told that there is a mad dog wandering somewhere and now he is afraid of all dogs considering them all to be mad. You must admit that it is hard to call this a prudent approach. Particular attention should be given to the issue of “brainwashing”. If it was so easy to do that, state and special services would be the first who would do this – as it is so convenient to “zombify” people, so that authorities would have fewer problems and there would be the absolute loyalty on the part of citizens. Thus, talks about “sinister sects” as well as about “brainwashing” are grossly exaggerated (though, they are reasonable, in my opinion). I`ve managed to dispel doubts of the members of my family quite easily. When they began asking me whether the teaching I got interested in was a sect, I asked them a counterquestion: “Is there anything that has changed in me, did I become insane or started doing any bad things?” Of course, the answer to my question was negative and soon my family members eased their minds.

Other challenging moments arise – for instance, the question of my daughter’s baptism. Members of my family wanted to baptize her and I was trying to explain that it was not necessary. The biggest challenge is that my family members want to practice this ritual because it is “right” to do that or it should be done “just in case”, though, they are not passionate believers. In general, the habit of following all those things which are right or common to be done can be very harmful as it substitutes the necessity of thinking and justifying one`s actions. Many things are taken by people at face value, not throwing them into question meanwhile there are certain things that are basically essential requiring deep analysis. Needless to say that baptism is just one of these things as all rituals and ceremonies in Christianity as well as any other religion are for a good reason: all they have a deep meaning and reasoning. I won`t be telling you why baptism is so important in Christianity as I am not talking about that here and I will draw your attention to the fact that it is very important in this religion. That`s why one shouldn`t treat it as something that is simply “common” or “right” to do or should be done “just in case”. Such kind of approach turns any ritual into an absurd routine making it lose its sacral meaning and shows disrespect to this religion. Any ritual has a certain meaning only for such person who really belongs to that teaching and who is on the same page with it. An adept of this or that teaching should fully accept a chosen way and not draw separate parts of it that he likes. “Selective” following a certain way is not following at all but just an attempt of “fitting” truth to one`s own liking and hypocrisy. Unfortunately, there are many people that are Christians by name only – they believe only “in their hearts”, so to say. This is the case when people treat the majority of rituals as the ones that are “right” to be done. And in this case people cannot give a reasonable explanation of reasons why a certain ritual is needed and what its consequences are. It is very irresponsible to practice rituals not fully understanding what is behind them. I want to say that practicing any ritual by a person who is not really a believer doesn`t mean anything. As our family has never been deeply religionized, then the baptism of my child will be just a formality. And as I am not affiliating myself to Christianity, then basically it won`t make any sense to me.

 

On the importance of reading books of the Teaching

Sometimes you simply don`t have time just to open books of the Teaching and read them with the daily routine that you have. Unfortunately, it`s a rule of everyday life that necessary labors very often become a higher priority than things spiritual, though, they are not less important. Having read the first book, I couldn`t start reading the second one for a long time.

There were three reasons for that. At first I didn`t have chance to get down to reading Pandect at first. The first reason for that was that I had my daily routine. The start of the main stage of learning truth synchronized with the moment when my daughter was born, that`s why, I had a lot of labors to be done and all these labors were quite important as there are not so many things that are more important than devoting your life to the life of a newborn human. The second reason was the fact that all books of the Teaching are not fiction ones and it takes time for one`s consciousness to digest their contents. It is not easy to perceive texts that are deep in their meaning in psychological sense, especially when you are trying to read them all one after another not giving yourself time to rest. The third reason is the fact that constant communication with the Teacher can replace reading of the Pandect. In other words, we discuss a number of topics when we meet in person and later when I am reading a book, I am familiar with some things and they are clear to me.

Nevertheless, I consider reading the Pandect to be very important. It is not necessary to read big parts of it at once; but it is very important to read it regularly, even one page per day. It is necessary to do that not only because it always gives you some food for thoughts and you can learn something new, come to grips with state of things but also because of the fact that reading the Pandect allows you to preserve some kind of mental tone. I want to say that in our everyday life we are surrounded by routine all the time and we are bound up in a great number of rueful feelings, starting from consumer approach that is spread by modern society through mass media and ending up with the simplest interpersonal conflicts. Mass media is constantly showing us the “glamorous” side of our life on which a person is rated only by the way he looks, how much money he earns and what position he occupies on social ladder that doesn`t lead up to heaven… We are surrounded by conversations about sex, power, money and what can be bought with this money. And even if a person realizes how trivial all these things are in the light of true values and the meaning of human life, he still lives under the influence of all these “glamorous” values, anyway. Every day we also face routine, personal negativity, fatigue, irritation and other things like that. And no matter how passionately our heart is trying to “come to heaven”, routine has a great influence on our lives, it drags us down. And that`s the reason why it is so important to keep yourself “mentally toned” to have some way of escaping from all this negativity, some counterforce to constantly remind yourself that your life is given to you for something greater than that. And reading books of the Teaching allows you to reach that. Every day there will be at least a little piece of something different within messiness of life and this will be enough for you to remember what you have actually come to this world for.

Besides that, as I`ve already mentioned, reading the Pandect allows you to see truth much clearer day by day. It is like painting a new picture of the world. First reading provides only a sketch drawn in pencil; second one allows you to make the ground layer; third one- allows you to draw the outlines. And thus, step by step we are painting more detailed and magnificent picture of truth and world with a brush of our mind`s eye. This is a step-by-step learning. Every next reading allows you to see, understand and feel more. Moreover, these texts themselves have inner strength interacting with which you are getting a spirit and energy boost.

 

Lie

Man has got a lot of vices but there is one that can be met at every turn and it is one of the deadliest human vices at the same time. I am talking about lie. Many people think that only big lie is dreadful but little lie is not a lie at all but just a common thing. However lie cannot be divided into a big and a small one. Each lie is equally harmful, though, its scale can be different. Lying is one of the deadliest vices because there is no lie in nature and lie is the most unnatural thing of all that can be. There is a place even for murder in nature but there is no place for lie. And this is why, when a man is lying, he is infringing upon truth itself.

That`s why, lie is bad in any of its forms and scale. Little white lie is a big infringement on truth. Much less, if a person allows himself to trick in trivia, then lies under more serious circumstances is even more justified from his point of view. That`s why you can`t consider yourself to be an honest person if you deceive in some trivia. The main reason for lying is taking advantage of something – starting from the desire to get out of class earlier to go to the cinema under the pretence of feeling sick, ending up with machinations on a nationwide scale. Such lies may have different consequences; but both kinds of lies equally conflict with truth and are harmful for people.

As lying in trivia is common in our society (because such kind of lying in not considered to be lying for some reason), then it may be hard to live without it. People are expecting you to tell lies under various pretences. The simplest situation is: when your friend is asking you to lie in order to cover him when he is doing some bad deed. For instance, he wants to skip school or work and is asking you to say that he has fallen ill in case his teacher or boss suddenly asks you about him. How many times during a day secretaries tell their clients that their bosses are on a business trip when they are sitting in their office. And such lie is considered to be a standard in business etiquette. It will be hard to count the number of situations like that if we think about how many times we covered our friends using lies or when we were lying when people around us wanted that from us. And if you refuse to lie in such situation, your friend will treat that as a personal affront and betrayal and your boss will most likely fire you.

So, if you just want to be an honest person and don`t want to defile yourself with lies, then, you will have a hard time with that. Is it possible to live without lies among those who`s got used to lying? It is. But be ready that people will be looking awry at you a lot of times and calling you a fool that could have used lies for his own benefit easily but for some reasons unknown to them didn`t do that. People consider honesty to be a good trait only up to a certain point, set by themselves, and consider everything above that point to be a silly thing.

If a person is honest, then he will be honest all the time and in everything. He won`t decide to lie for his own benefit or the benefit of people around him. And that friend of yours is bad who is asking you to lie – as he is asking you to do an evil deed for his own benefit.

Temptation to lie in this or that life situation is very strong but it is possible to control yourself. Yes, you will lose this or that lucre; but you`ll save yourself from doing bad deed. A person can call himself a human only when he is able to get over the difficulties.

Something that is called “pious fraud” is worth a separate mention. There is no pious fraud as any kind of lie is evil. And even when a person is lying for the sake of a good aim, his lie is harmful and it turns any good deal into a bad one. One can`t use evil ways to reach a good aim as these ways defile the aim itself and good won`t be good anymore. Though, it can be very difficult to do that in some situations from the moral side.

I stopped lying since I`d started to follow the Teaching. And every time when I am choosing from truth and my benefit, I feel happy because I`ve chosen truth as there is nothing that is more precious that truth.

 

On the issue of trees

One the very first topics that have been discussed by me and the Teacher, was the topic of trees. The thing is that since my childhood I`ve had a certain type of “contact” with plants, especially with trees. When I was child, we used to stay in our summer country house from early spring until late autumn. We had a small country house and our garden-plot was bordering on a forest. I liked our forest and was spending a lot of time there. I talked to the forest, loved to pick up mushrooms and berries, build huts from old branches and sit by the fire. I loved to swing in the hammock and look up at crowns of mighty birch trees. I knew every bush in that part of the forest that was near our house. My parents used to call me a “forest girl” for my love to forest.

Later we sold our old summer country house and moved close to city. Parting with my former house and the forest was hard for me. However everything changes; and soon I came to love our new house.

Our garden-plot is divided into two parts, we`ve laid out a garden in the first one and left a part of a virgin forest in another one. Initially our village used to be surrounded by woods but within some time active construction works started everywhere and now forest in the neighborhood is just separate lines of trees between houses and highways. I am very glad that we`ve saved, at least, a small but still a part of a forest straight on out garden-plot. I grew older and I had no more opportunities to stay out of town for the most part of the year. When I used to go to school and study at the University, I was able to live at our summer country house during my holidays; but when I started working, I had very little time for that and we started visiting our summer country house only at weekends. My communication with forest was limited to a few hours per week, but my attitude towards trees didn`t change: they continued to be my living friends – the same ones that they used to be in my childhood.

When I grew up, I started to notice that I felt something like a weak electric current in case when I was bringing my hand to a tree. And if I stood near a tree for a while, I could feel such kind of current running through my whole body as if I was covered with the energy of that tree. I always felt trees` energy as a warm one that could warm my hands even when it was cold. I became really fond of such kind of contact with trees because it allowed me to have some rest and made me feel better. And the more time I was spending with trees, the clearer it was becoming to me that they had their own entity, their own character, even their own preferences on the time of contact. In a word, they had something that could be called “soul”.

It was hard for me to explain that to myself within the bounds of Christianity – however when I started to get acquainted with the Teaching, everything fell into place. According to the Teaching, everything has a soul or an elemental as it can be called as well. Of course, the elemental of a tree cannot be compared with the elementals controlling major processes in the Universe (such as the God of Wisdom) on the same scale and they cannot be compared with a human being for the level of consciousness as well; but however trees also have their own personality and the ability to communicate. Trees don`t have an active mind like human one but they are able to interact with human beings. But the question is not in the ability of trees to communicate with human beings in the appropriate way but in the ability of human beings to communicate with trees in the appropriate way.

Until men continue perceiving themselves as the top of evolution and king of the world but don`t remember that they are also a part of it at the same time, it will be difficult for them to realize their responsibility for this world and the necessity of taking care about Nature. Trees are not worse than humans, they are even better in a certain way as they already live in harmony with the rest of the world and we`ll have to learn how to do this. Thus, communication with trees can teach a person much more than one can imagine.

I never miss a chance of talking with trees and basically with all plants. I like working in the garden, taking care of flowers, bushes, trees, like to work the land. When I work in the garden then I feel not only physical fatigue but also such fit of inner energy that cannot be compared with any kind of rest. Plants always give you a complete reward for your love and care.

The Teaching has given me an opportunity to have a deeper understanding of the meaning of life and, thus, allowed me to become closer to all living things. And I feel a great joy and satisfaction because of that.

 

There is life around me

Discussing my communication with trees with the Teacher, we came to grips with another, more extensive topic. As I`ve already said, according to the Teaching, all things have their own elemental. Consequently it can be said that not only plants but everything that`s around us is alive, animate and intelligent to some extent: animals, plants, rocks, artificial things, different natural objects, the Earth itself. Hardly one would be surprised with perception of animals as animate creatures and many would consider plants to be the same; but as far as other things are concerned, especially, artificial objects, then, it may seem unusual. But it is so. A speck of the Spirit lives in everything and everything has its own purpose.

Being able to feel plants, gradually I started perceiving energy of inanimate objects. However such kind of energy perception is much harder for me. I am far from being able to feel every object and I am not able to communicate with every object on more or less perceptible level. It has to be said that level of elementals` development can be very much different. More than that elemental can evolve and develop itself to some extent with the help of people, gaining great power. For instance, it happens with those things that have become objects of people`s worship.

Travelling has always been one of the biggest hobbies in my life. That`s why, I`ve managed to see a great number of interesting natural objects as well as those objects that have been created by people – starting from the all-known Stonehenge monument and ending with natural monuments in the valleys of Cappadocia. I`ve gone to the ocean as well as to the mountains, deserts, tops of volcanoes, reserved forests and purest mountain lakes… I`ve been lucky to see many beautiful spots of the world and it gave me the feeling of unmatched beauty and uniqueness of all the living. There is no place on earth that is more or less beautiful that all other places and there is not more or less mystery in distant stars than in sand beneath our feet. Travelling has given me feelings of whole world`s integrity as well as careful attitude to every part of it at the same time. I could easily start a separate diary dedicated to my trips; but I`ve mentioned them here to show examples of those things that I managed to communicate with in this or that way. Unfortunately the majority of my trips have occurred before I got acquainted with the Teaching. I`ve used the word “unfortunately” because knowledge of the world gives us an opportunity to understand and feel it better.

First of all I want to tell you about Sin-Kamen (“Blue Stone”). This extraordinary kind of stone can be found in the environs of an ancient Russian town called Pereslavl. There is a place called Alexandrov Mountain located near Pleshcheyev Lake on the fringe of the forest. However it was called Jarillo Mountain in the time of our ancestors because there used to be a pagan temple on top of this hill found in the honor of Jarillo – the god of the Sun. There was a wonderful Sin-Kamen (“Blue Stone”) on top of this hill that can heal from different diseases and carry out wishes as people say. When Orthodox religion started flourishing in the town of Pereslavl, it was decided to move Sin-Kamen (“Blue Stone”) from the mountain. A deep well was dug at the foot of the mountain, Sin-Kamen (“Blue Stone”) was knocked off the mountain and put down to the bottom of that well. The stone was forgotten. But as it turned out it was just the beginning of its wonderful story. The stone came above the ground within some time and faith in its miraculous features became even stronger. Then there was another attempt to defame the stone. One winter the large-tonnage wonderful stone was somehow put on a sledge and brought to the very middle of Pleshcheyev Lake where it was dropped under ice. But then the stone drew attention to himself again: some time passed again and Sin-Kamen (“Blue Stone”) crawled back to the shore of the lake where he`s been lying to this day in a picturesque spot on the shore, not far from an old forest. A lot of people have been reaching for Sin-Kamen (“Blue Stone”) till now, hoping to get help. Thus, there is a place in Pereslavl that preserves ancient pagan traditions despite of the fact that this town is a true center of Orthodox religion. This should come as no surprise as such traditions have existed in Russia all times. I have seen Sin-Kamen (“Blue Stone”) twice and would like to see it again. I can neither prove nor deny its ability to cure people as well as its other features attributed to it; but I can tell you for sure that I`ve been glad to see it as much as it was glad to see me. After my communication with the stone I had the same pleasant and easy feeling that I usually have after a conversation with an old friend.

Pyatnitskiye Vorota (“Pyatnitskiye Gates”) have become another interesting object that I remember because of their lively hospitality. I want to give you a short historical note. Pyatnitskiye Vorota (“Pyatnitskiye Gates”) is an old tower in Kolomna town in Russia. It is a mighty stone building that served to protect the town initial height of which was 35 meters, its length was 23 meters and width was 13 meters. The gates are also called Porokhovaya Bashnya (“Gunpowder Tower”) because it used to be a place where gunpowder was kept. There is a small tower rising on top of it that was a machicolation that used to have a bell under its stone arch that was rung by a scout when the town was in danger. There used to be an arched narrow passage under the tower that connected it with the town. Massive folding gates that were lowered by using grill block. A passage through the gates of the tower has a form that resembles a horseshoe which is a symbol of good luck, welfare and happiness in Russia. One can read a prayer on the gates from the side of a trading quarter: “God, save this town and your people and bless the entrance to this gates”. There is an icon on the inner side of the gate tower which contains images of the sanctified and patron saints of Kolomna town. Porokhovaya Bashnya (“Gunpowder Tower”) will certainly stick in memory of antiquarians and travelers. And I still remember not only its mighty look but its desire to communicate as well. We were near the tower when it was bitter cold; but touching its walls with my hands, I felt like they started to get warm. Unfortunately, my consciousness was still unable to absorb the information that things were ready to share with me otherwise the tower would tell me a lot of interesting things, I am sure about it.

There have been a lot of other objects communication with which is still remembered by me. It is of interest to know that their amiability didn`t depend on the fact whether this or that thing was artificially created or naturally occurring, what epoch, country or religion it belonged to and what its story was.

Everything around us is alive and sensitive, everything needs love and respect. There is nothing that is small, insignificant or worth contempt. Each thing is a part of Genesis that is worth of being respected. Artificial objects are also parts of Genesis and they are able to feel and strive to complete their mission. The necessity of showing love and respect to all things that are around us is the main conclusion from the notion of animativeness of all.

 

On good deeds

I would like to make a quotation from the book of the Teaching at the beginning of my short story: “Here is the first thing that man should know: he is small but the world is great. He didn`t exist but the world did; man will disappear and the world will remain. Only a fool won`t understand that this is not the world that exists for the sake of man but this is a man who exists for the sake of the world. Men should do good so that the world would be good. Animal doesn`t have power to make the world better but man does. This is what makes him different from animal; this is his mission” (Fathers IV, 34-39). One day you come to a realization that it is necessary to do good; and then comes a question of how exactly you can make the world better. We have discussed this with my Teacher a number of times.

My Teacher says that one can do good in different ways and it all depends on opportunities and endeavors of a person. There is the simplest, mundane level of doing good. One can help an old woman to cross the street, support someone at a hard time of his life, feed birds in winter, plant a tree, etc. Everyone can do this and this is good enough: if everyone starts to do so, our society will become better and kinder. There is another kind of goodness which is on more serious level that nearly everyone can do – it is a good upbringing of your child. Raising your kid to be kind, you are giving goodness to his kids as well and to all those whom he will be dealing with during his life. And then this goodness will be spread further. It is very important, though, it takes some time to notice how it works for the benefit of the future.

You can do something that is substantially good from time to time if to have a look beyond family ties – for instance, you can work for charitable causes, participate in environmental protection activities, create something valuable in terms of art. You can do such kind of good things apart from family or main job matters.

As far as different jobs are concerned, professions are not created equal. There are professions that are not really useful or relatively useful in this or that area – for instance, someone like a stock broker. There are professions that can be both useful and harmful. For instance, an engineer can create some kind of useful and necessary mechanism but can create a new weapon at the same time; a politician can do a lot of good for the society but can also do a lot of harm to it; a businessman can do the same; a military man can protect people but also can attack them. There are a lot of occupations like that. And a chance for this occupation to do good for people will depend on what kind of person has that occupation, whether he is a good or a nasty one. There are professions necessary for people and this makes them be very good – but at the same time these are such kind of professions which you don`t have to devote yourself, all your intentions and thoughts to them completely. You can simply finish your daily work, do as much good as you can for people and then you are free until another working day starts and you can stop thinking about it all. These are professions related to those things that people cannot live without: it is everything that concerns food, clothing, furniture, medicinal products production, housing construction, transportation and other things like that. And there are professions that people are given to that are their life and often become more important than their private life or their family. That`s certainly the case when one takes it seriously. For instance, medicine, pedagogy, social work, scientific research, environmental protection, art, spiritual activity. It is what is of great use for people and the world and is good for them too but it also requires total dedication. And it is such kind of dedication that can leave nothing to other things in your life. As a matter of fact, it is the most of what can be done by a person for the world and other people.

And if we start talking about doing something more than that, it becomes really hard to do that. If you set giving yourself to doing good as a goal, in other words, you want to dedicate your life completely to that, then you`ll have to give up on all your personal things and become some kind of a monk. But it is something that is accessible only for some prominent individuals.

Man lives for the world and is created for its benefit, that`s why “…that man is unjust who prefers his own power to the power of the world, his own benefit to the benefit of the world, his own joy to the joy of the world. The one is just who cares not for himself but for the world” (Fathers, XIV, 47-48). However it doesn’t mean that a person has to sacrifice his life for the benefit of the world right now. My Teacher says that in reality everything is much more sensible and practical. One also needs to live for one`s own benefit but with a view to something greater. In other words, if you care for yourself, it should be not a goal in itself but just a means. It should be like taking care of a valuable tool that can help you with doing some important work. And if you need to learn how to do this, you need to learn this. You need to start from yourself if you want to make this world better. Here is what is written about that in the book of the Teaching: “I will tell you one more thing: respect yourself. And the meaning of respecting yourself is in the following: don`t surrender yourself to evil, don`t mess yourself up with filth. Remember that virtue lives in you and don`t let evil tear it apart. Take care of your virtue and raise it and don`t bow to evil: this is what dignified self-respect is. Respecting yourself is the same thing as following virtue. If you can`t respect yourself in an appropriate way, how will you be able to respect something else then?”(Fathers, XVI, 57-62). But it doesn’t mean that you need to wait until you are able to reach the highest possible point of perfection and only then start doing something good for the world. It is just the other way round: you need to do everything simultaneously, believing in yourself.

First of all, it is worth asking yourself three questions, to begin with: “Do I want to do anything for the world?” If your answer is affirmative, then next question comes: “What could I do?” In other words, what kind of abilities and talents can you use for the benefit of the world? The third question is: “How can it be done?” This is a search of ways for practical realization of your opportunities. My Teacher says that the best way of accomplishing something is doing something.

When I was considering different opportunities of doing good things, then I found a few suitable options for myself. Now I will be considering the situation as of 2011. As time goes by it will certainly change but here it will be used just as an illustrative example. My profession is specifically related to the area of economy – I deal with the valuation of business, shares, assets, real estate, etc.; thus, my profession is not directly pointed at helping people, though, it is useful and needed as market couldn`t function without this profession. At this stage it doesn’t seem possible to change my profession to any other one that would probably provide more direct benefit to the people and reflect my intentions and talents at their most. And I don`t see such kind of opportunity in the future yet. In addition to that, taking into account the level of my education and working experience, this profession can bring greater income that, in its turn, could be used for charitable uses. However it should also be taken into account that now I am on a maternity leave, this is why I am limited not only to the amount of money I have for charity but to the amount of time as well.

I had more time and money that could be used for good things when I was working. I came to an idea of carrying out one charity project at the time. The essence of the project was that I was writing fairy tales, making colorful cards and sending them together with some gifts to orphaned children and kids living in large families living in the upcountry of Russia on behalf of a Magic Fairy. I was also working together with a charity fund that was publishing my fairy tales and sending royalty in aid of the children. Simultaneously I was collecting children`s stuff for the charity fund, mounting campaigns in my riser block of flats and my residential area. Later the project of congratulations from the Magic Fairy transformed into a charity fundraising web-site which activity is presently supported by volunteers.

After I had gone to a maternity leave, I had less time for all these good things and less money as well. Now I can only sometimes transfer money for some good things and even not in those amounts that I would like to. Then I started searching for new opportunities and after a while I came to know about an orphaned children patron campaign. The program doesn’t include any official registration of trusteeship of a child but supposes the participation in child`s life by means of letters, phone calls, personal visits and gifts if possible. This is how I`ve got a girl that I am in charge for. It takes a few hours to get to this orphan asylum by plane from Moscow, this is why I cannot visit my charge but I call her nearly every day, write letters and send gifts to her. I`ve also started to privately manage the orphan asylum as a volunteer and arrange collecting money and children`s stuff for this orphan asylum. Currently I`ve focused my efforts on doing these good things.

Patronage has a great meaning for the formation of child`s personality in case a patron is ready to take his role seriously. Very often there is no man in the life of an orphan who would take real interest in him as parents or relatives of other children would, there is no person who he can rely on and who would be some kind of a “constant” in the life of the child. The presence of such person increases the level of “tolerance for life”, so to say, in other words, lets a child be more morally stable and feel some support, not to feel lonely. The lack of tolerance prevents orphaned kids from realizing their potential and achieving success to a large extent.

Thus, currently I am responsible for doing two good things that will certainly affect my future: it is raising my daughter and patronage. Probably, it all will go through some changes in future again and new opportunities that will let me help the world to a greater extent will arise. It should be added that I lean toward helping kids more when other people can realize their potential in protecting animal welfare, environment and other areas.

 

On the issue of the joys of paradise

Many religions prophesy the joys of paradise for a person as a reward for living a decent life. One can meet a lot of different varieties of heaven, yet, hell as well. Personally the issue of hell seems to be more interesting to me; but here I would like to discuss heaven specifically. I think that it is worth saying at once that the Teaching is telling us that there is no heaven. What is heaven, after all? As a matter of fact, it is a state or a place (I think, it is hard to find a suitable word from our material world here) where a person gets to after his death and where he`s got a feeling of joy as in Christianity and Islam, for example, or, at least, doesn`t suffer as in Buddhism. A person deserves being in heaven for his good deeds that he`s done during his only life or a number of incarnations. But let`s look at this issue a bit deeper. Does a moral life really deserve any special reward? Maybe, this question will seem strange at first glance because most of us has got used to getting a reward for doing good things in their life in this or that form. In our childhood when we are doing something well or right, we are praised by our parents, we get excellent marks for good studies at school, we get bonuses for doing a decent job at work, etc. We come across the variations of the “stick and carrot” concept everywhere. This is why, it seems logical to shift the same principle on to afterlife. And it is very unusual to realize that the “stick” in the form of hell exists but “carrot” in the form of heaven doesn`t.

But in really this “paradox” can be explained quite easily: goodness doesn`t deserve any special rewards or honors because goodness is a norm. And one shouldn’t be rewarded for something normal as in this case it stops being normal and becomes something special – something that is so special that it is marked with some kind of honor or reward. In this case it is a reward in the form of eternal paradise. You should agree that it would have been the greatest reward. My Teacher says that such attitude inevitably leads to two catastrophic consequences. Firstly, doing something good is inseparably linked with profit and ambitiousness in human mind. Secondly, if goodness stops being a norm and becomes something special, then its place is occupied by something else right at that moment – as there is no place for vacuum in such things.

However it is impossible to say that man gets absolutely nothing from natural goodness creation except psychic income. First of all he becomes spiritually sound as there is no inner conflict between Nature and its goodness in him and light and power that it gives freely flow into him. Then the world that he lives, is getting better from those good things that he is doing – and it is good for him. Well, and there are different kinds of so-called “bonuses” – for instance, if you`ve done something good and someone did something good for you in return.

In a word, there is no absolute unambiguity here. On one side, man doesn`t get a special reward like going to paradise or something like that; but on the other hand, generally he won`t be left without any reward as naturally goodness creates goodness and it comes back to him in this or that way again. Though, such concept is deeper than some conventional images, dividing all things into “black and white” but, in fact, it is not something that is too difficult as it is much more natural and adequate if applied to the world that we live. If to think about this idea, then its essence becomes absolutely comprehensible in our life`s equation.

And the Teaching offers not going to paradise with its eternal bliss but an opportunity to work hard passing from one life to another, making the world better as a future prospective. In this way everyone can see long way fruits of one`s labor and live in a world which is better that the previous one.

 

Hell

The issue of hell has been one of the first ones that I was discussing with the Teacher. I have always been interested in the subject of hell – even in times when I belonged to Christianity. I had no luck with accepting the concept of everlasting torment for sinners. First of all, I would like to say that hell as it is doesn`t exist in all world`s religions and there is only some concept about the underworld. Hell as a place for punishing sinners has become a popular topic in connection with the spread of Christianity, though, a place of sinners` suffering exists, for instance, in Buddhism (Naraka), in beliefs of Maya (Shibalba), in Scandinavia (Helheim). However, it should be mentioned that the Bible doesn`t elaborate on the issue of the underworld for man and only mentions heaven and hell as places where the righteous rejoice and the wicked suffer. All full descriptions of Christian hell appeared only in Middle Ages; that`s why, a conclusion can be made that the notion of hell known to a modern man is more of a child of church as an institution but not of religion itself. Up to date the most famous image of Christian hell can be considered to be what has been depicted by Dante in the “Divine Comedy”. Dante has fully and colorfully described all circles of hell. It can also be added that Catholicism has been accepting the existence of purgatory since 1439 – an “intermediate territory” between heaven and hell that gives a man one more chance for redemption.

I don`t see any reason to write about variations of hell in different religions here but I only want to place the emphasis on the fact that generally there are quite a lot of such variations of it as well as variations on the subject of afterlife and they are quite different from each other. Nevertheless, as I have been affiliating myself with Christianity for all my walking life before I got acquainted with the Teaching, my perceptions about hell`s torment were quite concise and were similar to those that were depicted by Dante. And honestly saying, the prospective of being tormented after death through the whole eternity seemed to be very mean and scary. And this emotional reaction to what will happen after death (and thus, to death itself) has remained for a long time even after I started to belong to the Teaching.

What does the Teaching say about hell? First of all, to make it clear: the Teaching is saying about man`s reincarnation, about the fact that each of us lives not only one life and that man is spending a long time between his lives in the world of energy where he continues his development. Such element as private hell isn`t generally emphasized in the Teaching because it is of little significance. Hell is only a “technical component” of transition from one world to another. My Teacher says that generally speaking the whole picture is as follows.

Nature lives under natural laws that are present in every part of it and in human too. However, he`s got free will – in other words, he can choose both right and wrong behavior. Or he can be mistaken because of his ignorance. And when he is doing something wrong, something unnatural, then, inner conflict between what he is doing and his deep understanding fidelity and virtue that is laid inside him by Nature, arises. Outwardly this conflict can manifest itself in pangs of conscience. But it manifests itself as the accumulation of, so to say, negative charge in a person on a deeper level. Until a person is alive, this conflict sphere is hidden and isn`t practically felt. When human body dies and person`s energy is released completely, then reaction starts: energy conflict of initial positive and accumulated negative charge leads to sensation of pain. It is not physical distress but energy sensation which is the same for energy body as pain for physical one.

There are no perfect people; everyone does something bad in his life – whether intentionally or by mistake. That`s why each of us is experiencing such period of misery after death. It is called “private hell” in the Teaching. This is not a punishment from some kind of higher forces but the act of natural laws. Doing evil things, man is “poisoning” his emanation of biological energy, so to say, that feels like pain after death. Moreover, free will is of great importance. If a person is doing evil things consciously and intentionally, his emanation of biological energy is getting more “poisoned” and pain will be more intense then; if person is doing evil things out of ignorance, in other words, unintentionally, pain will be not so severe then;

Except the pain from inner conflict, man is suffering from his larvae in his private hell. These are energy parasites that appear beside a man if he gives in to vices. They are feeding upon the energy that is released when a person is doing vicious things and they are moving him forward in such actions (they are tempting him). When a person dies and finds himself in his private hell, his larvae appear beside him there. They suck his energy out of him, feeding upon it - this can also cause pain.

Private hell is not forever. Duration of staying there depends on how severely a person has “poisoned” himself with negative energy and how strong and resistant his larvae are. Private hell can last for hours and, maybe, for years – it depends on a person. But sooner or later larvae disappear and inner conflict appears to be over. Then the person is released from his private hell and starts his way to his next birth.

Presumably the knowledge about torments of private hell coming down to people in this or that way and a very distorted one, became the foundation of teachings about hell in different religions. The image of larvae transformed into the image of demons-inquisitors tormenting sinners.

According to the Teaching, the information of hell is not intended to carry any special meaning – for instance, to serve as a deterrent that keeps people from doing bad deeds. We don`t say: “Don`t do evil because you will have to account for it after your death”. We say: “Don`t do evil because kindness and love to everything is a norm”. And private hell is not so important. It is not a thing which everything is hinged on. It is just enough to be simply aware of its existence.

Despite the fact that the Teacher showed me the existing image of hell, this matter continued to be quite scary for me. It must be acknowledged that death is probably the most frightening matter in human psychology as well as for me. Me and my Teacher have been coming back to it a number of times. And the Teacher was explaining the reason for my anxiety. He used to say that even if you know that it is not the end and even if you have a general idea about what is awaiting for you in this case it is a kind of knowledge which is not supported by your experience and it is hard for it to root in your mind, become a part of it. He was explaining to me that my reaction was purely emotional because it was based on “half-trust”. Evidently I was impressed by the concept of private hell – in a similar way to Christianity – and it eclipsed of all the rest with itself in my eyes. But I haven`t seen it and I know about it from my Teacher. I had enough trust for persuading myself in the existence of private hell but there was not enough trust to completely believe that it is not as scary as it seems to be. It takes time to realize world views completely and work with your consciousness. Continuous conversations with my Teachers have helped me to find a foothold that I needed in my self-improvement and struggle with my own fears.

 

Life is everywhere

Having read one more part of the book of the Teaching, I thought about one interesting thing about the perception of life. This part of the book tells about the life of a Teacher and his disciple. One day the Teacher brought his disciple to the sea shore and showed him a destroyed and partially engulfed city. The Teacher said: “This used to be a great city – but it`s gone; only ruins are left from it like bones from a man. And there used to be a lot of people – but ones died as they couldn`t escape and others left the city. You see that everything dies: both stone buildings and people; and even the ground went under water and suffocated in it. Everything dies – but Life remains; it is the most solid of all and everything comes out of it. You have a lot of knowledge about Life and what comes out of it and how. You have something more than a city made of stone and more than the earth and the sky inside yourself. You should live with Life itself: then you won`t lose what you have, no matter what is destroyed. The one who drinks from one stream only, will die from thirst if that stream dries out; the one who drinks not from a stream but water, will find it everywhere and won`t die from thirst. Beware of setting certain limits for what you have. If you build a house and say: “Life is inside it” and when it crashes down, then you`ll die too. Remember that Life doesn`t know any limits: it is everywhere – wherever you are, it is inside everything – whatever you have (Life, VIII, 23-33).

Having read this extract, I thought about the way many of us perceive life. Financial and routine sides of life are historically in the first place in western society meanwhile spiritual component of life and spiritual Path are often put on the back burner. Thus, the level of success of a person is estimated only by his position in the society and the amount of money he has been able to make. Such one-sidedness of perception leads to the situation when people start perceiving the material side of life as the main wealth and welfare that they have in life. It can be said that people become obsessed with only financial and material things in life; and that`s why people bind their life with only one thing, as if putting bars in front of themselves from other things in Life. Let`s say that one cannot make a desired career or a person has gone through the process of divorce or lost his saving – and he is already giving up, he feels depressed, drinks himself to death or even dies by his own hand because it seems to him that he simply cannot live without these things. Such narrow life perception gives pain to a great number of people and can cause envy and bad deeds as well. I`ve heard from people a number of times that they feel depressed because they haven`t been able to find work in time, didn`t achieve desired results of a diet, became disappointed in their significant other, etc. Sometimes some insignificant event in the life of a person can seem to him to be the fundamental factor for his living standards.

Very narrow perception of life is what serves as a reason for all this disappointment. But in fact, Life is in everything and one shouldn`t simply separate one`s life from universal one. On the contrary, one should try to combine them into one. Then one will be able to see and understand more. And there always be goals, life strength and joy of life. Life stretches eternally from the past into the future but not only for a few decades from the cradle to the grave. Life is not only the ability of an organism to see, move, breathe, digest food but also the ability to realize and comprehend the essence of Life. One can absorb Life like sponge takes up water. A person can feel like a part of Life as every drop feels like the ocean. Life is everywhere and there is nothing except Life.

Every man is born, having the store of accumulated experience and consciousness. He is increasing it and going further, not taking anything more with him. All trivial and material things serve just as a tool for reaching spiritual goals and, that`s why, they take a back seat, though, they are of no small importance. This is why one should treat them as not unimportant but secondary. It is important to have a good tool to do a good job; but the tool is important only for this work – and it is necessary to remember about this.

Perception of Life as a continuous and beautiful process has let me stop experiencing such feelings as boredom, bad mood, hopelessness, despair, etc. from life misfortunes anymore because I realize the secondariness of material values. I realize the necessity and joy of working for the benefit of life and the world and, that`s why, the whole joy of the world belongs to me.

 

On eternal life

The Teaching tells us that every man lives a few terrestrial lives. When you come across such concept of your own life for the first time, you perceive it with a little detachment. When a person wants to say that, for instance, he will never be able to achieve something, he can use an expression: “not in this life…” and there is a reason for that. This phrase very clearly shows the attitude of a person to his own life as a period from birth to death. And it greatly affects the world view. Then what does living many lives mean? At first the thought about past and future lives is perceived as something that has nothing to do with your present life as if it wasn`t you but someone else in your past lives and there will be someone else in your future lives. But after time has passed and you are getting used to the thought that your existence goes beyond the bounds of your present life, your attitude towards your life changes drastically then. First of all, you begin to understand that it was not anyone else, not another person, another man but you in your past lives and it will be you in your future lives. And you realize that rejecting your past and future lives, you probably reject the most important part of yourself. It is like you suddenly coming to a decision that you are you only on a given day and it has been someone else a thousand days before and will be someone else a thousand days after it. It is like you suddenly coming to a decision that your childhood, your youth and your upcoming aging have nothing to do with you. What decisions and world views would such man have? He wouldn`t work, acquire a family, plan anything, would do absolutely nothing except satisfying his daily needs. This would be a man with no past and future. A man, who sets aside his past and future lives, appears to be the same kind of person. Only the scale is much greater in this case. Life is continuous; each of us has been living before and will live further, so, it`s the same as trying to fit Eternity into one day when you are trying to throw it all away. People are splitting up their lives into pieces and pretend that there is nothing that has to do with them except a small period of time that they have chosen, thus, locking themselves into a tight vault that has the size of a few decades. We are stealing our immortality from ourselves this way. Then, what does it mean to live forever, what does it mean to know that you have the past and the future? It means that you have a feeling of your tight connection with the Creation. It means that you understand that the world that you leave after your death is the world that your children and grandchildren will come to and you will come back to as well. It means that you shouldn`t feel hate to other nations or people that have a different skin color because you realize that you could have belonged to this race or will probably belong to it in future. It means that if you are rich, you will sympathize with the poor – as you can be born into poverty in your next life. It means that if you are a disabled person, you can be sure that this won`t last forever and that there were lives and there will be ones when you are completely sound. It means that if you have been trying very hard but still didn`t have enough time to accomplish something, you will have a chance to do that next time. It lets you stay above all negative sides of our present reality in a way – bear up under affliction, stay patient, not to give in to pettiness, not to put timeless values above the material ones, spare no effort for the sake of the future. It allows you overcoming your own vices easier and prevents you from giving in. It changes everything. It gives your own personality an opportunity to be worthy of a real human that is going to Eternity and lives for the sake of a better future.

 

On spiritual nihilism

I have come across a problem on my spiritual Path that probably every disciple comes across. This is a problem that actually doesn`t exist but it seems to be one at a certain stage. The problem is in the fact that acknowledging the authority of the Teacher and the fact that he is more knowledgeable in the issues of truth than you, it seems to you that it puts you on a lower level in your dignity and, thus, infringes upon your rights. And at this moment your ego starts telling you: “If I call him my Teacher, then, it will mean that I am displaying my ignorance and helplessness. But am I really so ignorant and helpless? Do I really have so little knowledge, can`t I really make my own decisions?” And at this moment your ego starts protesting against authority and psychological rebellion against the necessity of acknowledging the authority of the Teacher starts.

It can be compared with nihilism at a time of one`s youth; but it is a spiritual kind of nihilism in this case. But when you pass through the time of spiritual nihilism, then you realize that there is no any infringement of human dignity: this is only an illusion that your ego mispresents as a problem. It is not so evident in other spheres of human life. Actually each of us used to go to school and study a number of school subjects and had a great number of teachers – but none of us had a feeling of infringed dignity at the same time. And no first-grade pupil would think of fancying himself a specialist, for instance, in mathematics and blame his teacher for infringing his dignity because of teaching him his subject. And he takes the fact that the teacher of mathematics is teaching him in good sense. But when it comes to the matter of truth, everything changes for some reason. It is really strange but it is a fact – because everyone has an opinion that another person doesn`t have the right to tell him “how he should live his life”. And it is in vain because a Teacher has such right for a reason. He is aware of truth; he has devoted his whole life to it and is doing this for the public good. All facts in life are parts of truth. Teacher of mathematics also teaches his pupils truth but in his own narrow field. In this way spiritual Teacher and teacher of mathematics are doing the same job but in different spheres and on a different scale and it doesn`t harm human dignity to learn from them but just the other way round.

It is impossible to learn something if you don`t recognize that you don`t know something. The main problem lies in your own pride. And when you manage to overcome it, then you begin to understand clearly that both your Teacher and you are walking the same Path and you are equal on this Path; but at the same time he is still your Teacher and you are his disciple. And the fact that you are his disciple, doesn`t infringe your dignity in any way but, on the contrary, points it out because this is an evolution from ignorance to knowledge and from illusion to truth. And you need to have courage and dignity to admit your weaknesses and overcome them. And ego is a weakness. And when you overcome your weaknesses and really start walking the same Path with your Teacher, then you get more dignity that you`ve had before. Illusions bring man to his knees in front of truth and himself. You can walk on all fours for your whole life and be proud that you are doing that by yourself, without anyone`s help and you don`t need any teachers; but you can take Teacher`s hand and get to your feet and learn how to walk on your feet with his help. And only when you learn how to walk, you can learn how to run. Then what is better – to accept one`s help and become a human or always walk on all your fours, being proud that you could avoid addressing any authority and using a helping hand? It`s surprising but not always evident because you always evaluate your dignity from a customary position when you are standing on all your fours – from the position of a misconception and you simply can`t look at things from the height of an erect-walking human. The true Path reveals human potential and a thing that they say the following about in the Teaching, happens: “Power has got a direction to flow.” In other words, a person has got a chance to do something that he was already capable of: people overcome all illusions and they start learning truth, their place in life, they get true strength of mind. Human dignity is measured with his desire to achieve more, desire to overcome his faults, make the world better. And his Teacher is not his rival at all but his team-mate and helper. And there is no need in opposing him with your dignity as it is silly. And if you truly want to achieve more, then you should learn from your Teacher and become better day after day. As there is nothing better for a Teacher than a disciple with whom they do one job together – the job for the benefit of the world.

 

I am a warrior

I have heard from my Teacher a number of times that every man is a warrior and it`s his obligation that life`s path is warrior`s path, it is a fight; and if you live, this means that you are a warrior. He is saying the following in his guidance: “Many people think that the goal of man in this world is to survive. It is not so. His goal is to make the world and people better. One has to cherish and take care of his life because it is a valuable tool with the help of which man is carrying out his mission. But one shouldn`t value this tool more than what it is designated for. Life will come to an end, anyway; this is why, one has to rejoice when there is an opportunity to give it for the sake of good deeds but not for anything.” (From one`s Heart, 9). And the Teacher is also saying that feelings and thoughts of many people are infected with fear and that fear is one the worst human diseases because it kills the mind and can kill conscience.

It was difficult for me to accept his words because it is difficult to take the responsibility of being a warrior and it is difficult, very difficult to overcome your fear. There is always fear of death because each of us has got natural self-preservation instinct. But in fact, there is nothing wrong with this; the wrong thing is to betray all humanity that we have inside. It was difficult for me to recognize myself as a warrior; I can say that it took me some time to take the responsibility for my Path and more time later to realize that obligation and true human values are more valuable than life. But things fall into place if you stop considering your life as a short period of time from birth till death and take into account the fact that each of us lives not only one life and that death is natural. You can live up to old age in one life; maybe, you`ll die young in another one. It is alright because different things happen in life. Everybody dies. But what is the point of being born as a human if you are not able to die as a human? Thus, you live your life in vain. It seems to be a simple truth; but it is not so easy to realize it – and it is more difficult to live in concord with this.

But it is not the only thing that has caused internal conflict in me. The second thing that I had to understand was that being a warrior is normal, we are born to be warriors, each of us. There is nothing supernatural in it and it doesn`t require superhuman capabilities. Every man can do it – without any exceptions. If an eagle nestling has hatched in the wild, it is natural for him to grow into a grown-up bird and fly in the sky and it will be unnatural in case he is crawling on the ground dragging his wings for all his life. And it will be as unnatural as that to be born as a human and not to be a warrior. The third thing that I had to understand was that the image of struggle that we are talking about is not the image of the armed confrontation of people killing each other and not the attempt to overthrow evil incarnate. It is something different. Struggle in minds of people is often associated with something negative – with war, death and pain, losses and rueful feelings, hate… But the struggle that we are talking about is life, it is a natural state of man and it has nothing in common with what I have described above. Yes, there is a place for pain and rueful feelings but only due to the fact that we are alive. Dead men don`t feel pain and sorrow. My Teacher says that: “The world is real and reality is life. Escaping from reality means coming to death. Evil is illusive. Coming into this illusion kills. A person coming into it is breeding death around. But he kills himself first. He is letting the illusion of evil inside himself and becoming a different person to whom he really is. This way he dies. His life becomes unreal: it is like a wild dream that is seen by him and other people. Reality of evil is a nightmare. Don`t be a sleeper in the world of sleepers. Wake up as a sleeper is not discharging his duty. Remember that evil in people is illusive; only grievous consequences of those who changed their life for illusion are real. Evil men are sleeping, hating ones are sleeping, despising ones are sleeping. They don`t see themselves in their sleep and are not conscious of themselves and this is why you can expect anything from them. It is not worth of being like that for a human” (From heart, 17). Struggle that we are talking about is a Path of kindness, the Path of a true human; and this Path leads from you in the past to a better version of you. This is what this struggle means: it is an endeavor to live a decent life, it is a Path that leads mankind to the best. It is a Path of each of us. It is a Path into the future. The one who understands this kind of struggle differently doesn`t see life, he is dead. And being a warrior at this war means being a worthy person, a true Human. This is great and this is what life is. The one who lives this way is alive. There is no hate in life. There is no hate in this fight. My Teacher said the following: “Life is a way, way is an overcoming, overcoming is a fight. Struggle shouldn`t contain hate to what you are struggling. Hate is destructive. Feeling hate you are destroying yourself as everything that surrounds you is you. Hate will hit you no matter what you point it at. It is inevitable. You will be damaged both from outside and inside. Hate is evil; and human is not designated for doing evil. This is why it will stay inside you like a foreign body, like a stone in a living heart; and finally your heart will die. Learn to fight without hate. It is possible.” (From heart, 3). This is what this struggle means. This is a Path of kindness that man is following. It is a true Path.

It took me quite a lot of time to join all three dimensions of a warrior together: responsibility for the world and understanding that truth is a primary thing and that life exists for the sake of it and is useless without it; understanding that being a warrior is a natural state of a human that doesn`t require anything beyond my abilities and that it is just recognizing oneself as a human; understanding that the struggle that we are talking about is life and the Path of kindness in this life, the struggle that doesn`t have a place for enemy and hate and it is just following what should be done and that the only thing that can make you lose a battle and the whole war is yourself. These are three cornerstones that have suddenly let me break free. I`ve suddenly realized what it means to be a human; and now I am not afraid of the fact of what I am. I am a warrior.

 

Between science and religion

I`ve named this chapter of my diary as “Between science and religion” for a reason because I and I am sure that the majority of modern men as well have always viewed science as a bastion of rigorous facts, scientific approach, cause-and-effect relations and rigorous proofs while religion, on the contrary, was saying about something supernatural, irrational, illogical, calling people to believe but not to base on proofs and facts. Thus, a man finds himself between two totally different positions which cancel each other to a great extent.

It is not difficult to understand the grounds of people appealing to science: as they don`t want to believe and guess but to know something for sure, they are talking about something that is proved and evident. And it is hard to argue with that as fact is a fact. But I can understand votarists as well: as science can hardly proof and explain all things at this stage of its development. And it hasn`t given unambiguous answers to such important questions like, for instance, the descent of man and creation of the world so far; it cannot prove or disprove the possibility of life after death, the existence of soul and answer many other questions when religion gives answers to them.

Simply saying, the main difference and contradiction between science and religion is in the fact that religion claims the existence of supernatural, in other words, something that doesn`t obey the laws of Nature and generally cannot be learnt scientifically and science admits the existence of what can be seen, touched and proved by means of scientific experiments and facts. My consciousness has always been torn between the desire to believe in supernatural and the desire to logically explain everything. Imagine my surprise when the Teaching gave me an opportunity to resolve this paradox that had seemed to me to be insoluble before.

The Teaching is saying about the existence of a lot of such things that still cannot be proved scientifically but which are not supernatural at the same time and fully refer to Nature. This is the existence of two other “dimensions of the Universe” (energy realm and the realm of Spirit), gods (that are not supernatural beings but highly organized life forms in the energy realm engaging in an action the laws of Nature in terms of the Teaching), reincarnations and a lot of other things. My Teacher has the written the following: “When I heard all that from my Teacher, I had a feeling of little embarrassment caused by an evident contradiction. On one side – there was what I had never believed in: some kind of Creator, the act of creation and other things like that. On the other side – there was what I admitted and had believed in ever since I was at school: evolution, rigorous cause-and-effect relations, etc. I could hardly wrap my head around all that – because personally it was hard for me to link such realties within one uncontroversial system.” I had the same feeling as well when I started getting acquainted with the Teaching. Further the Teacher writes: “The problem was in a stereotype saying that the concept of the Creator who had created the world, referred to the area of supernatural, irrational and was typical for a religious mind – and that was the reason why it didn`t match with a rational scientific approach and the concept of evolution. Moreover, evolution which was obligatory for the Creator himself. It took me a while to clear the barrier in my own mind as the problem was not in the difficulty of comprehending that information but in the fact that the seeming contradiction was, so to say, not letting see it. I had some kind of abruption that could be described as something like this: if I don`t believe in supernatural, considering it absolutely impossible, then how can I take the concept of the Creator seriously at all, how can I use this information in the process of my intellectual and spiritual work? But when I managed to realize that the creation of the world by the Creator didn`t have to be a supernatural act, things fell into place and further knowledge perfectly fit itself in the scheme given to me.

Here is the way it goes: typical stereotypes, deeply rooted in our minds, don`t let us see the reality as it is. This is certainly a well-known thing; and I am not trying to present it as my own discovery. This situation when I came across this problem not in theory but in practice and could resolve it in practice as well, taught me a lot. I think that was one of key moments of my way. Then I didn`t simply got to know something new but I broke a very important stereotype of my perception – it was something without what I wouldn`t be able to understand the Teaching.

What is the reason for me drawing special attention to this point – in such a way that I`ve even strayed from the main subject for the sake of it? As the issue of this kind of stereotype is relevant to me as well. This is exactly it that can prevent one from understanding the Teaching most of all as I`ve already said simply because it doesn`t let one even start seriously studying it. People with scientific mindset can be rejected by the fact that the Teaching accepts the existence of the Creator who has created the Universe; but the statement of the fact that the Creator of all is not almighty and that he obeys the laws of Nature as well and that the creation of the Universe was caused by evolutionary necessity is not acceptable for people who tend to prioritize supernatural over rational. In other words, here we see the collision of two types of word view: scientific and religious one. Their opposition as a conflict between rational and mystical perception in their different variations is one of the keynotes of the whole history of mankind. However, the Teaching reconciles them showing that the concept of evolution goes quite well with the concept of Creator`s existence. More than that: these concepts complement, explain and prove each other. And certainly this integration is not limited to only two above-mentioned concepts. The Teaching contains a great number of such moments and aspects. It all can be generally perceived right only in this way – through understanding the fact that those things and phenomena that seem to be supernatural can be explained from the rational point of view and that the latter one, in its turn, shouldn`t make one reject something that is perceived as manifestations of supernatural powers due to deeply rooted stereotypes upfront.

While studying the Teaching, you occasionally catch yourself thinking that it resembles religion in this or that aspect of itself as it is saying about things that are not accepted by science but which have an undoubted resemblance with religious doctrines. In fact, this is a kind of resemblance which is the same as, say, religious view of lightning. Different religions have been considering it to be a supernatural phenomenon, the attribute of God or gods, used for deterrence or punishment of unwanted ones. However, such perception of lightning doesn`t take its corporeality out, doesn`t turn it into a phantom of the imagination, a brainchild of mystified fantasy. It really exists, it is real. And the day came when science rationalized this natural phenomenon. We see that there is such kind of phenomenon but there is nothing supernatural in it. Thus, the Teaching is telling us about many things that go beyond rational at first sight: about the Creator and the creation of the Universe, about the realm of energy and the realm of Spirit, about gods-elementals, about afterlife and reincarnations, etc. However, it emphasizes the fact that all that refers to the area of natural, rational and thus, accessible for scientific cognition. This is why, a person studying the Teaching should be able to approach the material from this prospective – in other words, he should understand that things that seem to belong to religion which it is telling us about are not what they seem, though, they really exist at the same time. It can turn out not to be easy to develop such kind of perception and one can get there not at once but it is necessary to do that. Otherwise a shift in one or another direction is inevitable: whether it will be the denial of the existence of such things or their mystical interpretation. Both things destroy the integrity of Teaching perception.

Yes: it says about a lot of things that science doesn`t know about yet. But this is a common thing when science doesn`t know about the existence of something or it knows about it but cannot explain. The time will come and it will find out and explain. The Teaching, in its turn, can considerably help it with that, showing landmarks to it, prompting it cause-and-effect relations, giving logical explanations to incomprehensible phenomena. It doesn`t set itself in opposition to science. On the contrary: methods of obtaining knowledge existing in the Teaching and scientific method are two manifestations of the same thing. They complement each other and often merge into one. In future when the Teaching becomes the world view of the whole mankind, boundaries between it (the Teaching) and strictly scientific approach to the cognition of the world will completely disappear and they will aggregate. As a matter of fact, they form a single unit now as well – but it is less evident for science than for the Teaching and one will have to wait for the admission of that fact by it.”

The Teaching could prompt science explanations of many riddles and provide it with a number of landmarks for different kinds of research. For instance, in astrophysics – it refers to the picture of genesis and development of the Universe, issues of its infinity, entropy, space vacuum being filled with some kind of substance, etc. It refers to the influence of previous lives on person`s psychology and character in psychology. In biology - as the Teaching is saying about favorable mutations, evolutionary link of mankind as a species with preceding intelligent race, etc. In history – as the Teaching has got some information about very early periods in the history of mankind. In physics – as some unexplained phenomena and effects can be explained according to the interaction of the realm of matter with the realm of energy. And these are just a few examples.

I want to say that the Teaching has revealed the whole new dimension of perception to me and the world stopped being split into two incompatible dimensions for me after that. It has acquired its natural integrity. Many things in my mind have got the right place as well as me myself got the right place in the world, in my own life, in Eternity. Now I understand many phenomena and interrelations which I simply haven`t seen before. I don`t have to make up ridiculous supernatural explanations for those things which nature hasn`t been logically cognized by us yet. Now I can quietly wait for the time when all mankind gets this balance and there will be no term like “between science and religion” anymore because it will be replaced with the knowledge of real state of things.

 

The place I was born…

Many people wonder why they were born at a certain time and in a certain place and why someone finds himself in knowingly better conditions and someone finds himself in worse ones? Why has Nature arranged everything exactly this way and is there some kind of “justice”?

The Teaching answers this complicated question as well and understanding this mechanism helps to get the most out of existing situation and realize good necessity of what is going on.

Nature determines the best possible conditions for the birth of each human. In other words, such conditions are chosen which give him most chances to develop necessary personal qualities and get better. Everything is taken into account: time, place of birth, parents` characters, household welfare, environment, etc. The best of all possible options is always chosen. There are no perfect conditions; but there can be ones that are the closest to what is necessary.

Not only upsides of child`s environment matter but downsides as well – for instance, parents` drawbacks are educationally important and should assist in the development of certain qualities in their child. Of course, it is relevant for the moment of child`s birth and then people can change. They are humans in the end. In other words, if we talk about an unfavorable situation with parents that a person can complain about, then you need to understand that no matter who your parents are, no one else but them can give you those things that you need. But what exactly they can give you is another question which is more complicated. But you have exactly what you need to get better. Thus, plants are set into soil that suits them most – ones need soft black soil, others need hard clay with dry sand. Everyone gets what he needs most of all and it is what he has been waiting for a long, long time in the realm of energy probably without realizing that.

On the other hand parents should know that they are the most suitable ground for upbringing their own children with their good and bad sides, their internal struggle and spiritual labor, with their abilities and talents and there is a task for every parent to pass on all the best that he`s got in himself to his child. And exactly this “soil” will let their “flowers” grow out to be the most beautiful.

Of course, one wonders how this mechanism of preliminary benefit correlates with situations when a child is physically abused or simply dies from his parents` fault. The answer is the following: even very bad people are able to give birth to children. And when they conceive a child, then someone has to be born in their family. This is a kind of mechanism that cannot be turned off. Those people who need very extreme environment to be able to develop certain traits of character are usually born in such families. At the same time two assumptions or admissions are knowingly made by Nature: that a child will survive and he will change for the better but not for the worse. And the moment comes when he is born – and then all within people`s hands. There are two main ways for the child: to become the same bad person or, on the contrary, seeing enough of filth and suffering enough, get stronger and better. He can die as well: but this is not predetermined. This is a kind of situation when free will of man turns to be stronger than natural necessity. In other words, child`s death or survival do not depend from Nature. Some people can (or cannot) kill him; others can save him if they arrive in time. Human will acts as the continuation of natural mechanism in this case. It doesn`t work the other way with creatures that have free will. They are those who are responsible for each other. This is the way birth choice mechanism operates in general. Tasks that should be solved by a certain person are defined and conditions for solving them are given to him. This is when the opportunities of Nature come to an end and human sphere of influence begins. The fruits they will get depend on the way they turn it all.

A person, realizing the way this mechanism works, stops complaining that he was allegedly born not where he should and that he had bad luck with his parents and there is no opportunity to fulfill himself in such conditions. You come to the understanding that you are in the right place and time and more than that, they are best of what is possible for you. In other words, you can make as much profit of positive sides as of negative ones. That is to say that you need to know that you have all the tools to refine yourself under any conditions of your existence, the set of all tools that you`ve got when you were born. You only need to learn how to use them.

And there is the second moment that comes out of it all that refers to parents – you shouldn`t think that you cannot become a good parent for your child for whatever reason. You are already the best parent because of the fact that it was you who gave birth to this child and the main thing is to try to give him as much of those best things that you have as possible.

And there is one more thing that must be stressed that everything is based not on desire or retribution. In other words, man is born not in the place where he wants (this is one extreme) and not where he should suffer for his past sins (this is another extreme) but where there are best conditions for his development. So, the principle of natural pragmatism also works in this case. And this is what turns out to be a fine line between two extremes – when everything adjusts to man`s whims and when everything is specially aimed against him. In other words, the scheme is optimal. Another thing is that people often manage to turn it to evil with their actions and turn it inside out; but these are only “by-products” of our movement to perfection.

 

From dreams to awakening

Imagine such kind of situation: you have been sleeping and you saw a dream in which you were running through the forest and you were chased by wolves. When a wolf practically ran you down and got you by your heels, you woke up in terror. You are lying in your bed in a cold sweat and rejoicing that it has been just a dream. Then you get up, go to the bathroom, wash your hands and face, clean your teeth. Suddenly you hear growling behind you. You turn around and see that there is a grinning wolf standing in the corridor that will attack you in a moment. Then you scream in terror – and wake up for the second time. Such experience can be called as a dream inside another dream: a person is thinking that he has already woken up but is actually sleeping.

Presence of a person in such dreams can be partially compared with his presence in a matrix, in some kind of relatively artificial world that is just a small and limited part of bigger reality. If you come to think of the way the world around you is set, then you can come to the understanding that we are actually living in such matrix for a time. The Universe has a three-layer shape: the Spirit forms the main and most important part of it, energy is more “solid” layer and matter forms the last and most “dense and inflexible” one. Thus, dying in the outworld a human doesn`t actually die but, on the contrary, awakens in the realm of energy. But the realm of energy also takes a back seat to the realm of Spirit. So, living in the physical world, we live as if we were in a dream inside another dream. We are constantly present in some kind of artificial reality created for us so that we could gain valuable experience staying inside it. Just as there is something that is possible in dreams but what is impossible in waking, so there is something that is possible in the material world but what is impossible on other levels as well, for instance, the birth of children. Our physical body is just a projection of our real selves, a tool created for our mind to control it, to act under the conditions of the material world. It can be said that this is our Avatar if you like to use a modern language.

Such attitude to life makes very big difference because you begin to understand that this reality itself shouldn`t be perceived as something finite: it is only a field for improving certain qualities. So, in fact, those people who consider that they are living in a matrix, controlled dream or something like that are not totally wrong. At least they are more right than materialists that are obsessed with this world as the essence of all. We all are inside this matrix with a special mission and we won`t get out of it until we complete our mission – in other words, we'll be endlessly coming back inside it. And when we come to the end of our way in material reality, we`ll stay in another matrix until we finally reach the necessary level and join our other “selves” to find a complete yourself in the end.

The perfection of Spirit is not only man`s main goal but Universe`s as well. And we are passing through this evolution together. When you understand that you live not only one life but many, your perception changes a lot in another kind of sense: you begin to cherish your life because you feel keenly its transience. It` like a beautiful flower that bursts only once for the whole eternity. And there will never be the same flower anymore. It is unique.

Life transience and understanding that there is still a long way ahead allow you not to get too much frustrated because of different misfortunes. In the end if many things have gone wrong in this life, they will go right in another one: the one who has been blind, will have sight, the one who hasn`t been able to walk, will be able to run, the one who hasn`t been able to afford himself a hunk of bread, will be crammed up. It doesn`t mean that you need to give up. On the contrary: you need to fight, changing what can be changed for the better. As the future is a fruit of human`s labor.

Being a part of the Universe, a person is responsible not only for himself but for the whole world, for other people. And this should be taken literally: making a small part of Spirit better, we let everyone breathe freely. And looking at all this, you understand that true values are far from being material benefits as you can only take a true benefit which is your spirituality to your grave. We are certainly striving for material benefits as well. And there is nothing wrong with it if you remember the main thing: you need all this just to make the world better. For those who are thinking just in economical terms, living only for their own pleasure and other material benefits, I can give an answer using their own language: “All your investments in real estate, gold, currency are short-term investments with very low return rate. That`s why, it is far more rational to make investments into something truly valuable. Real long-term investments with maximum return are investments in Spirit, in your own moral development and realization, and these exact investments will serve you for more than one life. All material will stay here and you won`t even remember it; and those things that are truly yours will stay with you forever.”

One more principle comes out of realization of human lives` scale. When you realize what direction the development of the Universe and human as a part of it is moving in, you begin to understand that no good cause can be reached by using bad means as the aim is the perfection of Spirit. In other words, there is nothing that is worth acting in a bad way because any bad deed is pulling you back; and the merit of a person doing good through bad is false. One can reach goodness by using only good ways because all other ways are only turning back the clock.

Thus, understanding the true state of things lets one realize the following. Life is a kind of matrix that is given to us for our own perfection; the only truly valuable thing that a person has is the purity of his Spirit because it`s the only thing that he can take with him to the future; good things can only be done by using good means, all other means are only putting obstacles on one`s way. There is a grain ripening inside every man that will let you wake up and continue your way on much higher level of quality after reaching its spiritual maturity as we all are heading towards Reality.

 

“Lost in a sandbox”

“I`ve understood what your trouble is: you are too serious! Smart face is not a sign of man`s intelligence, sirs. All silly things on earth are done with this facial expression. Smile, sirs! Smile!”

 

“That same Munchausen” movie

The more I am reflecting on this life, the more I realize that all troubles of mankind come from people being carried away with their games. They forget that they came to earth temporarily, only for a short time, and that the main aim of every person in this life is to become a Human. People come to this life like kids to a sandbox, only for an hour, but they forget about anything and everything in their games. They seriously think that sand in their sand molds is gold and fight for it. They build their sandcastles and believe that they will stand for ages. They are ready to offend and torture each other for a convenient trowel or a beautiful pail. They are so enwrapped in their game that they are fighting for their part of the sandbox as if it was the last thing that they had in their life and are irreconcilable to each other`s customs because ones want to decorate their sandcastles with flowers and others – with rocks. It looks so absurd from the outside.

How the world would change if, at least, sometimes people stopped and remembered why they were here. Parents bring their kids to a sandbox so that they would learn how to communicate, understand and help each other; they give their kids trowels and sand molds so that they would try to find a common language with other kids and build something together. Grown-ups are wondering why their little Vasya hasn`t shared his small rakes with Masha – but they behave in the same way only in their own “sandbox”. People are so absorbed in life, pettiness and short-sightedness that they do not see anything further than their sand. And how hard it can be to say “stop” to yourself when you are carried away with playing with another trifle. How hard it is to rise above your emotions and look at everything from above. How important it is to ask yourself every day: “Why am I here and what will happen when my hour in the sandbox is over? – My castle will fall to pieces and gold will turn into a plain sand again and I won`t take anything from it with me. Then what will I take with me? – Tears and resentments, a fight for a small spade, and sorrow from realizing the fact that I couldn`t make friends with anyone.” But he should take something really different because the most important will happen there after you leave a sandbox. And that person who has learnt to love, share, help, respect – only he will be coming back home with the feeling of joy that the hour that he has spent in the sandbox was not spent in vain.

I`ve told that myself and will be telling this to my children: “There is nothing in this world that is worth mean acting, lying behaving yourself as a coward and scoundrel – absolutely nothing. Everything around us is sand and it is silly to set it as the aim of your life. And even life is not the end in itself. We are here to obtain those good qualities that make us humans. We are here to give the world the goodness that it hasn`t got before we came to this world – and it has nearly everything that you can imagine. It doesn`t have one thing which is the ability to choose good from evil and good and bring it up increasing it hundredfold. But man is so beautiful and great that can do even this. And it can be done by anyone who will distract his attention from his own sandbox, wipe a mournful grimace from his face and finally start smiling to himself and the whole world.”

 

From dreams to awakening (part two)

Continuing to reflect on my life in matrix, I would like to draw your attention to another important aspect. Saying that we actually control our body as our avatar for the sake of perfecting our spiritual qualities, one cannot but ask yourself a question: and what am I? What is this exact selfhood that controls its avatar if body is just a tool? The answer to this question is easy and difficult at the same time. Selfhood is a small part of Spirit that is responsible for a certain avatar, the small part on which level all spiritual work is being done. It can be said that it is a body cell. However, it is true to some degree – as Spirit is one and this means that it is divided into small parts only formally and temporarily. The division of Spirit is provided by evolution for higher quality of development. But, in fact, there is no division at all. Spirit is one; only avatars that it is present in are divided. Imagine a soap bubble flying through the “air of the Universe.” We can say that the bubble is filled with air and consider it as a separate object. However, at the same time we understand perfectly well that the air inside the bubble is actually inseparable from the air that is around it. There is a thin soap film – but it is fragile and will disappear in some moments. One can also imagine that for those few seconds while the bubble is flying, very important changes are taking place inside it and the air inside the bubble is getting better. At the same time improved air properties are being immediately passed through bubble`s walls into external space, perfecting it. In other words, the air comes through the bubble. This is very rough example but by using it I wanted to show you that our bodies-avatars are just soap bubbles that are very important but still so insignificant in contrast to the “infinite air of the Universe”. You will ask me: “But where is our selfhood? And is it here at all if the air is constantly coming through the bubble? Or there is only a single selfhood that we`ll get lost in right after soap film bursts?” I will reply to this saying that our selfhood exists but it is not limited with the air inside the soap bubble. It equals the Universe. You won`t lose your selfhood but will get all missing parts of yours that are inside other bubbles. You are the whole air. And you are inside every bubble. Every avatar is yours but you are, so to say, concentrated on one bubble only at a given moment of time. If you imagine a computer game where you have one hundred characters right from the start, it will be easy to guess then that while you are using one of them, others will be acting, so to say, on their own, according to a scenario attached to them by you. They all are your characters; each of them has a separate task of his own but your personality is behind each of them. Looking at other avatars, you look at yourself. There are no other people at all: they are all you. We are united, we are the one and we are the Universe. Talking to you, I am talking to myself. Just realize these scale and diversity and you will fall in love with the whole Universe and every part of it. You are grass beneath your feet and infinite number of stars above you. And all bad and good things are you as well together with all the laws of Nature, past and future. And you are also all that you are able to think of and all that you are not. Your limits are the limits of the Universe. Soap film will burst and then a new one will form and you will be inside each one. Hear me because I am saying this with your lips. There is nothing for you in the diversity of our Universe except of yourselves. Enjoy, love, cherish this.

 

From human to god (published in issue no. 3 of “OUR SPACE” magazine)

Is there a man that has never dreamt of becoming a god? Different heroes having powers of gods or gods themselves that have been cooperating with humans and influenced their fate are mentioned in the folklore of different countries. No doubt that the concept of some kind of power that will make humans get closer to gods fascinates people till the present day. What prospective does this seemingly mythological concept has?

If we say about the Teaching, it explains that all things have their energy component that is called “elemental”. Elementals are like “programs”, intelligent according to their functionality and tasks. The laws of Nature also have their own elementals from local up to planetary or even universal scale and they are called “gods” in the Teaching. Every “god” like that performs his own function that has been incumbent on him by the Universe; and the more “authority” he has, the more powerful and intelligent he is. It is easy to guess that scale and authority of some gods are colossal and their level of intelligence in some sense greatly exceeds a human one.

If one carefully reads texts of the Teaching, then one will be able to see that the deeper the level of man`s consciousness is, the more abilities he can have. And it concerns something much more serious than the ability to talk with animals, start a fire with a glance or neutralize a strong poison by force of will. If one takes into consideration the principle of Integrity and keeps in mind that not only a drop is a part of the ocean but every drop contains the whole ocean as well, then it becomes clear that being a part of a whole a human is a whole as well – in other words he is the Universe at the same time. Being a part of Universal Spirit and its active mind, every human simultaneously contains both particulars and universals. It`s the same as a human body cell would imagine itself to be both cell and the whole human at the same time or, on the contrary – a human would change his focus of perception and would be able to look at himself through the eyes of every human body cell; it`s all the same. Integrity constantly exists, division is formal to some extent and depends only from one`s view and perception. Thus, human has the potential and contents of the whole Universe right at the moment. Human and the Universe can be literally equated with each other.

Actually human is able to have the power of the Universe and its basic principles, in other words, he can surpass even the most powerful gods in his abilities – as they are only the embodiment of individual laws of Nature. Many people will find such prospect to be very tempting and their next question will be: “How can one do it?” There may be two answers to this question: “If you want to have the power of the river – become the river itself” or “If you want to learn how to become a human, you will learn how to become a god.”

Both answers touch upon such important principle as Great Obligation. It includes global aims of the Universe and aims of man as one of the most important parts of it. If we keep in mind that Spirit development and evolution of the Universe go exactly through intelligent and conscious creatures, then we`ll come to the understanding of the fact that the aims of man and the Universe are identical. They are in evolution, development and perfection. There should be a constant motion to let evolution continue and all events happen in time. River should flow otherwise it will stop being a river, it will turn into a swamp and definitely dry up. The motion of a river is what Great Obligation is. No matter what a person is doing, he should remember what he is doing that for and where he is going to. He should be within a flow. Otherwise he will be setting evolution and his own development back. Reality is of such nature that if one wants to get the power of the flow and the ability to control it, he needs to develop his consciousness. However, the deeper man`s consciousness is, the deeper he dips into the flow. And if a person has been dreaming of getting power and turning the river back, developing his consciousness and reaching the desired level, he will finally become the flow and get all its power, then – but he won`t have a desire to resist what is due. Become the river and you will get all its power.

Talking about gods, we should keep in mind that as opposed to human, they cannot resist what is due as they live within the world. And this is exactly what makes them gods and endows them with corresponding “powers.” Man has got more opportunities in his turn as he will increase his power many times if he consciously chooses Great Obligation. He exceeds gods in this. Fundamental philosophy of evolution is exactly in the fact that everyone who is conscious will come back to what is due consciously after making a certain way. The whole world around us is following a certain priori, it is driven by a life-giving instinct – the whole world, except those who are conscious. They should accept their way consciously in their turn, thus, letting the Universe to go to absolutely new level. When we say that one needs to learn how to become Human, we mean that one needs to realize his way and become worthy of what the Universe has given to us. It has allocated responsibility to humans for its future, its selfhood, for everything that is around. Human is a great, mighty and powerful creature that is carrying the whole world on his shoulders. And this is what every human is. However, one needs to learn this – one needs to learn to be Human who is worthy of this world. The one who gets the power that equals the world is who wishes goodness that equals the world – and there is no other way.

So, the answer to the question “Can a human get the power of gods?” is affirmative. However, he won`t leave a place for pride, vanity, arrogance and won`t let himself use his power harmfully – as great power comes only together with great wisdom and realization of what is due.

 

Integrity as a pattern of thoughts (published in issue no. 4 of “OUR SPACE” magazine)

Integrity is one of the key terms in the Teaching. It is a cornerstone which practically all the rest is based on because the world in its entirety is unthinkable without this term. The concept of integrity itself is familiar to any person in this or that aspect, regardless of the level of his knowledge and consciousness. Understanding the fact that human and nature are united is available even to kids – as we are absolutely dependant from the environment in which we exist. Our physical body is an organism that needs certain conditions for sustaining its life; and slight deviations lead to its death. And if one thinks how many conditions should have coincided with each other to let intelligent life exist on the Earth, it may seem to be a miracle, then. Thus, practically everyone knows about integrity on this level – human and the world are united like human body cells and human body. Understanding only this aspect makes a person more cautious; he begins to cherish the world that he lives in and take good care of it: «Live like you are holding the whole world in your hands as a handful of water; do not splatter it” (Walking man, VI, 53).

I`ll take a step forward and move from our planet to the scale of the Universe because integrity spans much farther and living conditions on the Earth obey far more global laws. In the Teaching we are talking about the integrity of human and the Universe. And first thing that comes to mind again is integrity based on the principle “cell-body.” This principle is absolutely true; but it is only one side of it. We remember that the Teaching considers the Universe as a living being that is moving through its evolutionary path. Reaching a certain level, the Creator has transformed into a substance that is called Spirit by the Teaching. Then a part of Spirit transformed into energy – a substance that is denser than the first one. And finally another part of energy transformed into much denser substance – matter. That has been the birth of our Universe in the form that we know it. There are three sides of the Universe that exist simultaneously and are tightly bound with each other and the last of them which is matter is exactly this physical world which yields to investigations by means available for science most of all. The division into three sides was necessary to perfect Spirit inside these three sides by means of evolution and make the Universe take a quantum leap. Evolution follows one general principle – it moves from less organized life forms to highly organized ones, and among the latter ones – to those life forms that are able to think and realize. At this stage matter becomes a tool and a shell for its main contents which is a knowing, thinking and realizing substance. The development of the latter leads to the evolution of Spirit. Talking about this, we are coming to one more aspect of integrity which is the understanding of the fact that three sides are united and inseparable from each other and everything that happens instantly impacts all the rest.

One can imagine this in the form of some Matrix which has been beautifully depicted in a movie with the same title. Let`s imagine some kind of virtual reality where a man controls his avatar who is perceiving that virtual world as the only existing one. Than that virtual world will be like matter to him where the avatar is his “first body”; his physical body will be like energy – his “second body”; and finally his personality itself will be Spirit. Any changes in his first, virtual body will immediately impact his second one and it is natural that all occurring events will lead to this or that type of personality (Spirit) formation. Thus, we can look at our life on earth, in physical world as our existence inside the Matrix that has been created with only one aim: using the language of computer games, to level up your character` personality for the formation of necessary qualities for spiritual evolution. When certain qualities are obtained, then a person won`t need his avatar anymore; he “awakens” from virtual reality and starts acting in his “second body” in the realm of energy and after that he awakens in the realm of Spirit on the last side. Moreover: before a person gets the right of permanent acting in his “second body”, he is changing the required amount of avatars, in other words, he is being reborn, until necessary qualities are developed. All this is a united well-coordinated and uninterrupted process: “Spirit doesn`t have any limits: it is everything, merging with everything in everything. Remember that you are the Spirit; flesh has come from it and will come back to it” (Walking man, VI, 55-56). It teaches us not to be too fanatical in our attitude to the life of our physical body. Body is only a tool, though, very important one but still a tool for something more. That`s why, it is pointless to prefer material benefits to spiritual ones. Understanding this, people wouldn`t be acting low and doing other nasty things for the sake of indulging their bodies. As “avatar” is only a temporary tool but one can take only one thing with him moving from “virtual reality” to other ones: one`s personality and nothing else. More than that, the period of one`s presence inside the “avatar” is quite limited and it is measured in decades while the time that a person spends in the realm of energy between his reincarnations is much longer. It can be compared with a situation when a person was spending a few days in virtual reality and a year out of it and was counting on his “game” but not on real life at the same time. He would be indulging his virtual body to the detriment of his real one, resorting to different virtual shifts for the sake of his own pleasure, not knowing that his real body is suffering at the same time. After a few days of “gaming” he would be waking up being sick and mutilated, suffering and going through treatment for a long time and would even die in a long-term prospective. Such behavior would make one stumble at his adequacy. But in the meantime people act exactly this way. They count on their “game” and are doing different nasty things which are mutilating their energy bodies and are infringing their spirit which is the worst part, exposing themselves and the future of the whole mankind to risk. It would be nice to shake such person and tell him: “Realize what you are doing now and clean up your act!” This is the second aspect of Integrity to which I would like to draw your attention. And it gives absolutely another scale to thought.

Its third aspect is even much more global. Spirit evolution will finally lead to the formation of integral substance which the whole Spirit will turn into. There won`t be a division into conscious parts at this stage and all of them will transform into one integral personality in the grand scheme of things. When I was talking with one man about this, he asked me a question: “What then, will my personality be lost, then?” – I replied to it as follows: “Your personality won`t be lost but other ones will become a part of yourself like recollections of millions of lives lived by you. You won`t lose what you have but get enormously more.” And it made him happy and he left feeling joy, understanding how many things are waiting for him in the future. The essence of this process is fundamental and it is not only what is waiting for us in the future but what we already have today as well. Integrity implies that division into small parts is, so to say, formal and temporary: “Raindrops join – and the ocean is born” (Evagelone, 66). Being raindrops, we are the ocean right now: each of us is both part of the Universe and the Universe itself at the same time. Each person is an active mind and spirit of the Universe in its entirety already. Only focus has changed. It`s like we would be able to perceive ourselves not as a human but look at ourselves through the eyes of a human body cell for a second as if from the inside. That`s the way it goes – we look at the world and ourselves through the eyes of a human body cell. But one can change the focus and perceive himself completely. I am the whole Universe, the whole Creator. And not only a drop is a part of the ocean but that drop contains the ocean. Not only me is a part of everything but everything that`s around me and the whole Universe is only a part of my personality. All people around are parts of my personality as well and I will absorb them into myself when it is necessary. I am acting everywhere, being present inside myself and being present in everything at the same time. And laws existing inside the Universe are set by me and I am responsible for everything that is happening too.

It may sound a little pompous for the one who applies the personality of the Universe (the Creator) to himself and tries to change focus for the first time. But in fact, it doesn`t raise a human but puts him back to his place – the one which he has always been staying. And when a person belonging to the Teaching is saying that he treats people and the world as himself, he is saying that literally, then. It`s him in a strict sense. Narrower principles like “treat others in the way you want them to treat you”, in other words, mercy, the desire to help other people are only a separate narrow aspect of this realization. Perception of the world as a part of oneself, one`s personality is a desire to care for the world in a broad sense and even not like caring for one`s house but like caring for one`s body that requires care, nurture and treatment to a large extent. Such realization allows eliminating many problems – as no one will wish himself ill, envy to himself, lie to himself, hurt himself, consider that one of his small parts is worse than another one. It would be absurd. Absorbing the world into ourselves, we are cultivating best things in it and trying to conquer the worst ones; we are getting more tolerant to those flaws of other people that we have in ourselves as well but at the same time we are getting concerned and strict to our flaws, wanting to eliminate them; we can exult at our success achieved by other parts of ourselves and will be helping them in that. Such perception allows a dramatic reconsideration and making one`s attitude to everything that`s around better. People belonging to the Teaching are living not only for the world but with it. This is where the fourth aspect of Integrity, more applied one, comes from: people are constantly staying within, so to say, a nutrition medium – as the world is feeding and sustaining itself. Human already has all the power that is necessary for the most difficult and seemingly unachievable things a priori. Everything that`s around human is trying to help him to achieve his main goal which is transformation of the Universe. That`s why, there is absolutely nothing that can interfere with him except himself.

Resistance is only inside human himself both on the level of a cell and on the level of the Universe. But the power of resistance is of such nature that one can overcome it. The power of resistance is called Dragon in the Teaching and it is necessary for evolution as a driving force; Spirit is developing while overcoming it. And there is goodness in this principle: “Resistance to Dragon gives power as resistance is goodness and it contains the whole gamut of power” (Eosphor VII, 14). It is like a shot of vaccine which is used not to spread a disease but develop immunity to it. And there is another aspect of Integrity in this - evil exists for the sake of goodness as well so that it would be eliminated. The necessity to split the world into “black” and “white” as two opposing sides becomes irrelevant. They fight with each other but only on a certain level and certain scale. There is as much evil in evil as in a dumbbell that is lifted by a sportsman to get stronger. If he drops it on his foot than it is not dumbbell`s fault at all.

I cannot but rejoice myself, seeing these aspects of Integrity. As they are changing the world for me, for all my small parts as well as for me in other small parts. I`ll be waiting for the moment when everything that is mine comes back to me in a new quality. If we are talking about the way to ourselves which all people are trying to find so hard, there is a phrase in the Teaching that sounds as complete and demonstrative as possible: everything is united and there is simply no other way than the way to oneself.